Are White Girls Really Easier?

Ok, first off calm down, don't let the title upset you! This is a question I've always asked myself and my friends (white&black)....are white girls really easier (to sleep with that is)?

Growing up I went to a majority white private school, there were rarely other black kids in my classes and I hated that. Fortunately I was an outgoing person and easily made friends with the other kids at my school. When I entered high school, sex became a HUGE deal for my peers and I. Whether it was "hooking up" or who "slept" with who, it always seemed to be a topic at hand. I don't know about anyone else, but the white girls at my private school slept with guys like it was nothing. They'd have sex at parties, in cars, or wherever. Being around that environment for so many years always gave me the idea that YES in fact white girls were easier to sleep with than girls of other races. My mother had always raised me to be a lady first, I didn't even want to kiss anyone if we weren't dating, let alone sleep with them! My black girlfriends were raised the same way by their parents and didn't get down with sleeping around. Generally as African American women most of us are raised in predominantly black churches and brought up that you are to "keep your legs closed," "let the man chase you, " etc.... I brought this topic up to a group of friends while we are out to eat in the Village a couple of weeks ago...

"You guys I'm starting another website, its called whatwhitewomenneedtoknow.com," I expressed to a diverse group of friends on a rainy night. The entire table erupted in laughter as I said this with a straight face. The group included 3 African American women, 2 white women, 1 Dominican woman, 2 African American man, and one PuertoRican man. I explained to them that my soror and I had been in the ladies bathroom at a friends birthday party on the Upper East side when we heard a young white woman crying. Baffled we asked her what was wrong and it went a little something like this (mind you we were all beyond tipsy)

Us: Hey "sweetie" (lol) are you ok

Her: No, i just feel sooooo stupid (still crying)

Us: What happened? Don't cry

Her: Well, I keep calling and texting this guy that i really really like I slept with him. and he's ignoring me and I just don't get it!

Us: Well how long have you known him?

Her: (sniffling) a week

Us: Wow....well there's your answer

Her: Huh

Before I knew it my soror launched into a speech about why you shouldn't sleep with guys so soon. "They'll have no respect for you," she practically screamed at the small circle who was surrounding us now. I swear it seemed as if a light bulb was going off in the adies heads in that small bathroom. (I'm not kidding this really happened!) By the time my soror was finished speaking they gave her a round of applause, I on the other hand couldn't stop laughing.

My friends surrounding me at the table were now cracking up as well. The two white women at the table asked me if I had really never slept with anyone I had just met. "Uh, No!" They had a hard time believing me and the other women at the table as well. The ladies told us stories about making out with complete strangers at bars and then proceeding to sleep with them. Mind you these women aren't dumb, they have college degrees, one is in medical school, and the other is getting her Master's in psychology. They are both very attractive women and I'm sure any guy would love to date them. In their opinion sex just wasn't that big of a deal as long as you were safe. I argued that I didn't understand how you could sleep with someone you didn't know. They argued back who really "knows" the person you have sex with? In all honesty you only know what they tell you, which might not be the truth. Women who've been married for 20 years sometimes find out their husband was gay for 19 of those years. So, they argued, does it really matter how long you've known the person your sleeping with?

I said that yes, it does matter! We argued for the next three hours and I came up with the conclusion that it doesn't matter what race you are, it matters how you were raised. It will always baffle my mind, but I guess we will just have to agree to disagree....

What do you think?

Be your own Recruiter

I came across this in my diary today and had to share it with you….

January 30, 2008

11:03 p.m.


I had theeeee most exhausting day at work… I honestly thought it was never going to end. My girl Nikki B. had invited me over to her place for dinner and convo, which was exactly what I needed. As soon as my boss left, I grabbed my jacket, shut off my comp, and jetted out of the office (not even saying bye to my co workers) It had just been one of those days…you know?

As Nikki was preparing dinner we got into a somewhat deep conversation about what we wanted out of life,what our goals were, where we wanted to live and who we wanted to be with. I vented to her about the lack of “good” men in my life, either they had baby mama’s, still lived with their mama, were ‘gay”, or had absolutely no ambition. “I can’t go on like this,” I said to her. As I was pondering on just settling with my ex and accepting him and the drama that followed, Nikki said the most brilliant statement-ever. It went a little something like this;

‘You know what’s funny as women we generally put so much effort into everything that we do. When were looking for a college we seek out only the best schools who will fit what were looking for. When were looking for a job, we want to work at the best company, firm, store….whatever. Whether were looking for a house or shopping for some new jeans were always seeking out the best. However, when it comes to relationships, a boo, a man, etc…we settle and accept it. Why do we do that? Why is it ok to put our all and give our best to everything but love? I mean seriously Mia, be your own recruiter!’

Wow, I really couldn’t have said it any better myself….from this day forward I promise I will no longer settle. For 23 years that’s absolutely what I’ve been doing, settling and accepting. I don’t know why I’ve done it, maybe for the sake of comfort or just to say I have someone special. In the long run I just end up unfilled and unhappy…and that won’t work, not now or ever. Talk about a lesson for the new year!

Tarnished....part 2

Two seconds later my cell started to vibrate and his name appeared on the screen. I on the other hand couldn't breathe...was this really happening?

Me: Hello

Him: -I -I

Me: You what-you what EJ?

Him: I'm sorry-I'm so sorry (he said in a muffled voice)

3 seconds of silence and then "she" snatches the phone from him.

Her: Look girl, I'm not sure what the hell is going on but EJ and I have been together for the past 6 months.

Me: 6 months! 6 months! whattttt

Her:yes-how long have u two been together?

Me:a year and a half - a year and a damn half

Her: (screaming at him now) EJ WHAT THE HELLLLLLLLL IS WRONG WITH YOU?

Her: Well listen I'm sorry he lied to both of us -clearly he's been living a double life. I don't know what were gonna do because I'm pregnant, its his, and I'm keeping it.

Me: Click

I automatically burst into tears as I hang up on them, dialing my bff for some moral support. She's just as shocked as I am to hear he's been doing this for six months. "I don't get it-i don't get it," I yell into the phone. How could he do this to me-to us? This was the same person who said he wanted to marry me after graduation, who held me nearly every night. When did he even find the time to be someone else's man? At that point I became angry for being stupid, for believing nights when he said he was studying and he was probably with her.

I ignored his calls for an entire week to get my head together, when I finally did answer it took everything in me not to jump thru the phone and hurt him.

Me: What do you want?

Him: For you to forgive me...

Me: How could you do that to me and to her for that matter..?

Him: I don't know...you were just so busy and I felt like you didn't need me...and I-I mean

Me: So instead of telling me that you started a relationship with someone else and you've been lying to me for half a year?

Him: Look..you don't get it. I hate not feeling needed when it comes to you.."she" needs me. I can teach her things about life and...I don't know...its like there's nothing I can do for you.

Me: So since I have a brain and I'm driven-your punishing me for that?

Him: My intentions were never to punish you-I just want my future wife to need me more than I need her....

it took me all of 2 seconds to comprehend what this FOOL had just said to me.

Me: Well, you take your GED educated girlfriend, her baby, work your 3 jobs to support all of you and have a nice life.....

Him: Wait-wait-I still want...

Me: Click

I snapped back to reality inside of Nordstroms that day. "I'll take the cash, it will bring me more value than that bracelet ever did."

Tarnished Gold

The bff and I strolled through Nordstrom this past weekend, when it occurred to me that I needed to exchange my Juicy Bracelet that was unfortunately beginning to tarnish. The cashier informed me that I could either get a new bracelet or get cash back. As I begin to choose the new bracelet my bff said, "just get the money back." "It was a gift," I explained to her, "I can't just act like it doesn't mean anything." She informed me that she to had this bracelet which she stopped wearing all together, because all of them tarnished eventually no matter how many new ones she got. I stared a little longer at my tarnished gold bracelet,realizing I was holding onto something that wouldn't benefit me in the long run...just like the person who gave it to me.

It was the spring of 2004 and I had just completed my first semester as a freshman in college. I had been in a DRAMATIC long distance relationship and had just decided to cut the strings loose. He stressed me and that was something I didn't want or need in my life at the time. My friends and I decided to hit up a dorm room party one night on our campus and that was the first night I laid eyes on him. For the sake of privacy we can call him EJ. EJ was a junior at my university, a very tall dude, with a pretty smile who seemed to make everyone laugh. It was obvious to both of us the very first time we spoke that we had chemistry, real chemistry.

Four months later EJ and I were official, we spent every free minute we could with each other. He soon knew the majority of my friends and parents and vice versa. Although he wasn't the type I usually go for (nice) he made me laugh and put me first. He thought the most of me and treated me with so much respect, it was something I just wasn't used to, but I loved it and I was growing to love him.

By my junior year we were still together, but of course like any couple we had our bumps along the road. I knew he wasn't perfect, but he was damn near close to it and I couldn't have been happier with that. I thought he was happy to until my phone rang one early friday morning.

I looked at my clock to see that it was 7 a.m., and was prepared to fuss at him for waking me up until I heard her voice.

Me: Hello

Her: Hell-o

Me: Um, who is this?

Her: This is E.J's girlfriend

....click...

yea-my mouth dropped to. Stay tuned for part 2!

"I think you better call Tyrone..."

Ugh, I dragged myself out of my best friends house on Monday morning, not wanting to face the reality of heading back to the Big Apple. Everything is just so simple in Maryland not like the harsh realities of NYC, but hey i gotta do what i gotta do, right?

After an eternity I found an empty seat on the crowded train and was seriously ready to jump for joy! I begin putting my bag in the overhead, when I heard a male voice behind me asking if I needed help with it. "Yes please," I replied looking up to find a tall, brown skin dude with slight facial hair looking down at me(he wasn't exactly my Morris Chesnut/Denzel/Borris look alike, but he was cute enough). To my surprise he was sitting in the seat next to me and I knew from that point on it would be an interesting ride back to the city.

Immediately we were engrossed in conversation, he joked with me that I must have a body living in my bag,which could be true as heavy as that ish was. He told me that he was a teacher at a local Brooklyn prep high school and that he was studying to get his Masters at a University in the city. He was fluent in spanish, loved to travel, and adores his big sister (ummmmmm can someone say Amen.) While he was talking I checked out his old school outfit, he was fresh from head to toe, with a brand new pair of jeans (didnt get the designer) a fresh white t-, and a new pair of chucks. He had no jewelry on besides his watch which had just the right amount of "bling" you know not to much, but enough to see its real. He spoke with clarity and passion about his teaching career and the childrens lives that he wanted to change.

I must say its been awhile since I've seen someone around the same age as me care soooooooo much about bettering the community, it almost brought a tear to my eye! He wanted to know all about me as well, what my dreams were, where I wanted to be in five years, he even read me a passage from the book he was reading. When I tell you this brother was deep-he was deep. He shared with me that his favorite artist were Arrested Development, Common, Fred Hammond, and many more. He even let me listen to his favorite Arrested Development song on his mp3 player, (it was something about sunshine) I couldn't concentrate because I was to busy planning how me and my new boo were going to be the Beyonce and Hov of community activism. When the song was over he asked did I like it and of course I lied and said, "yes i loved it!" "Great," he replied..."it doesn't take a whole day to recognize sunshine ya know?" Uhhh, yea I tried not to faint as he smiled at me and said that staring into my eyes. WHEW.

By the time we had arrived in Jersey it occured to us that we never properly introduced ourselves. He stuck his hand out and said that his name was tyrone, I of course couldn't help but giggle thinking of the Erykah Badu song. Confused, he asked me why I was laughing at his name and I told him that I was thinking of the song. He jokingly started singing and I joined in, " I think you better calllllllllllllllllllllll Tyrone...call him!" When we were done our impromptu singing, we exchanged numbers and I couldn't stop smiling thinking that this dude was really someone special.

When the train stopped in NYC he jumped up to grab my bags first and then his. I noticed a huge red shopping and asked him what he'd bought. "Oh, just some gifts for my girl..."

SIGH....

What was the point of all that talking, laughing, and even exchanging numbers? I don't get it...oh well another one bites the dust.