To my 08 Graduates-don't be surprised!

Do you remember the day you graduated from college? I remember my graduation day (it was about a year ago) and how good it felt just to be free. The sun was beating down on my face as I sat on the football field next to my homie Charlene. I tried my best to concentrate on what the keynote speakers were saying, but I just couldn't stop....dreaming. Dreaming about my new life that was full of possibility and how my entire life would change...I was ready for it. I had great job offers, I was moving into my own place, and I felt young and unstoppable. I was ready to conquer the world unaware that it could conquer me if I let it. In college I had done it all, been president of this club and that club, joined the flyest sorority on campus, had way to many internships, so with all of this I thought I knew it all or close to it-NOT!

Lets be real, when you first get out of college you seem to think that everything will fall into place like you've been preparing it to for the last 21 years. You enter the real world filled of after work happy hours with co workers, a fancy apt (courtesy of ikea), relationships, etc. In actuality instead of everything falling into place-it seems to fall out of place. The first year or two out of undergrad is somewhat like a roller coaster ride. You find yourself questioning all your motives and what it is you really want to do with your life.


One of the worse things about the transition of undergrad to the awkward adult hood phase is how many mistakes you WILL make in front of others (co workers-parents-family). Gone are the days when life consisted of classes and naps, school clubs, internships during the day (lol) and going out to party every night (shoot you have an 8 a.m. meeting no more of that!). You're now faced with handling a salary (don't get so excited it may seem like a lot of money at first-but you'll soon learn its not), managing your own budget, and being more responsible than you've ever been in your life. Health Care takes on a WHOLE new meaning when you graduate-its unbelievably expensive. If you didn't care before (because you were on your parents dime)-TRUST me when I tell you...it will matter now. Whew-you are in for a rude awakening if you don't have health care. (Note if you are not a student (part or full) you cannot be on you parents health care-so get a benefits package or don't get sick)



Here are a couple that my friends and I are asking ourselves;

1. To go to grad school or not

2. What the hell am I going to do about these student loan bills that are piling up?

3. Having a serious "adult" relationship-am I ready for all that

4. Financial Responsibility (its not a game)

5. What state or country do I want to live in

6. Understanding that a "job" is VASTLY different from anything you did in a part time internship

7. Constantly questioning if you have what it takes to make it?

Now don't get me wrong, the real world isn't all bad. You'll change and grow up in ways you never thought possible. Most importantly you'll appreciate the little things more...shoot I know I do.

The best way to get OVER one is to get UNDER another...

A couple of weeks ago I walked arm and arm through times square with a close friend whose been like a big sister to me over the years. We laughed as we reminicised on old times, high school, our college years, and all the mistakes we made, but learned from. When the topic of our exes arrived, she informed me that she was 100% over him. "Wow," I responded how did that happen...she said the name of her current boyfriend and smiled....he's how it happened.


I've been on and off with my ex for a very long time now and I know its possible, but its hard to imagine myself being totally over him. I can say now that he's more attached to me than I am to him, but I still can't imagine my life without him. He's been there for so long, he's helped me grow, and he's played a huge part in my life, how can you just let that go? "Simple," my friend replied. "The best way to get over one person is to get under another. "

Whoa, although I've dated my fair share of guys when my ex and I were off, none of them have ever been able to be what my ex has been to me. My friend expressed to me that this was because I wouldn't let them be. She said I was so busy holding onto him that I wouldn't open my heart and allow another man to make me happy. Well damn, she was certainly right, I really haven't allowed myself to do that.


I'm not sure why I haven't, but I guess its time that I do.

Having it "All"-uh whatever.

Let me first start out by saying this day has been absolutely insane. I'm convinced that I have some type of instinct jinx. For some reason I have always been able to tell when other people's girlfriends or boyfriends are up to no good. I'm always right. I've never been wrong-and have even caught people cheating! If you don't want to know the truth about your mate-I wouldn't introduce them to me! (How come I can't have this instinct when it comes to my own relationships?) So unfair.... anywho this is a blog for another time..another day.

So here's what's really on my mind...having it all...what the hell is having it "all" anyway?

Last Sunday I dragged myself out the bed to attend church with one of my closest friends. I must be honest and say that I felt quite uncomfortable from the moment I entered, not because of the people (who are very kind) or the religion (which is different from mine)...I just didn't "fit" in. I starred at the other woman in the room who wore loose fitting skirts, barely any makeup, and some with no earrings. I on the other hand had on a pretty tight pencil skirt (hey-i gained a few pounds-don't judge), medium size diamond(ok iamond) hoop earrings, and uh you could certainly see that I was wearing makeup (had a long night). My friend and I sat in the sanctuary, listening intently as the woman who was giving us our Sunday school lesson preached about being a submissive woman......


Of course me being the "alpha" female that I am-my bells immediately went off. Uh-being submissive to who? She taught us how the Bible says its important to let the man be the head of the household and to not jump in when he is lecturing, punishing, etc., the kids....he should be the ultimate decision maker. I of course wanted to raise my hand and scream out loud that I totally disagreed. Instead I sat there with my jacket on (which i keep on when i feel uncomfortable) and tapped my foot wanting this particular Sunday school lesson to be over. But then I took another look around the room and starred at the women once again. I didn't know their stories or what they had been through. Maybe there was a reason they all agreed so whole heatedly with what the teacher was telling us...maybe it was their belief in what the Bible said..I really didn't know. However most of them did have kids, a husband, a job, a church family-they had it "all" right?

I couldn't help but wonder-is that what you have to do to have it all? Be submissive to a man?


A few days later I sat in a board room with some of the most intelligent women in the world. These women have traveled all across the globe, spoke different languages, held multiple degrees, and were each absolutely stunning in their own right. There was not a chipped nail, a wrinkled skirt, shirt, pants, or an unpolished shoe among them. They were truly "sharp" in every essence of the word and I felt honored just to be in their presence. However, as I looked around the room, I noticed not one of them-NOT one had on a wedding band. These women had to be between the ages of 32-50..and none of them were married?!?

After talking to many of them I learned that most had been married at least once, been engaged, and even had a boyfriend. They explained to me that having a man and a high end career was almost impossible and had accepted the fact that they were just not meant to be wives and mothers. As I sat there listening to their individual stories, I couldn't help but feel disappointed.


The more I thought about it, the more I realized that they were right it was in fact impossible to have it all. Say you did have the high end career, the husband, and the kids....you'd end up neglecting at least one of those-right?



I don't know....maybe I'm wrong...but I doubt it.

Like a Breath of Fresh Air

Hey everyone, I know my blogs have been kind of sad lately...sorry about that. I've just been going thru it! However I'm feeling soooooo much better this week. This past Thanksgiving I never said what I was thankful for, so I figured I'd do it now...random I know....but here it goes;

1. God-He's my Light and my Strength. Because of Him I live....

2. My Parents-I don't know how they did it, I'm certainly a handful! Regardless, my parents have a love for me that I cannot put into words. It's more than unconditional...it's just so real...they hold me down always.

3. My family-lol. they may be a little bit country..but they keep me humble and I appreciate them soooooooo much.

4. My BFF-J.M.- I have NO idea how or why she puts up with me, I really don't. But I'm so grateful to have her as a true friend. She keeps it real with me even when I don't want to hear it and she doesn't judge me (unless I ask her to-lol). She's ALWAYS up for a good time and she's one of the smartest woman I know-the worlds not ready for her...

5. My true girls (Aja,Meika, Cord, Alexis, Shetona, Sharada,)- I'm blessed to have these 6 women in my life. They encourage, inspire, and motivate me on a daily basis. I wouldn't be where or who I am if it weren't for them....

6. My Sorority (DST)- I wanted to be a Delta for as long as I could remember.... Every powerful woman who had ever been in my presence growing up was a member of DST...I wanted to be like them...to follow in their footsteps...and be an advocate for change. I'm so proud to be a part of this Sisterhood that has forever changed my life.

7. My Job- it pays the bills-duh! lol..ok seriously don't ever take anything for granted because God will take it away in the blink of an eye...

8. S.O.-you taught me how strong I am..even when I thought I wasn't.

9. Thankful for all the Lessons that this year has already brought-I get it now...I really do.

"I’m curtsie-ing center stage after a mediocre performance. I don't expect an ovation. Please save any applause."

i got the title of my blog from one of my very favorite writers..Belle. It honestly describes the mood i'm in right about now. Last week had to be one of the worst weeks of my life...

Situation 1

I was getting my hair done last weekend (minding my business) when I got a really disturbing message from my ex's ex...ok I know that sounds crazy-but she's crazy. To make a long story short I got caught in the middle of a situation that I frankly had nothing to do with. She's a very possessive woman and was upset to know that my ex still had feelings for me. (altho this is none of her business because he's not in a relationship with her or anyone else for that matter) Anyway it was alot of going back and forth..and arguing for nothing actually. Such a waste of time. That in itself stressed me out-and took me 10 steps backwards from where I needed to be.

Situation 2

Once again- I'm doing my best to mind my business on Monday and go about life...when a dude that I used to date contacts me from out of no where. I haven't heard from him in months. He tells me that he now has a child (wtf) but that he can't get me off of his mind and he really wants to work things out-HUH! ugh.

Situation 3

"I met this boy when I was 10 years old-and what i loved the most he had so much soul." That's the song that comes to mind when I think of this dude-and I was actually happy to see his number pop up on my caller i.d. ....he'd always been a great friend and someone I could count on. Although we hadn't spoken in a minute-I was excited just to hear what was going on in his life. We talked and talked about our lives...and then out of no where this FOOL tells me he broke up with his girl and thinks that me and him should work it out (I KID U NOT-ahhhhhhhhhhh). i tell him I have to go-because he to has lost his mind. dammit i can't win

Situation 4

Now this situation isn't so bad-I guess its just the thought of it that stresses me out. Enter "A guy" (read the previous blog if you don't get it.) He's a nice guy, has his own business, very focused, and he treats me well. However, he's extremely cocky and the passion is just lacking which is why I cut him off months ago. However, he to decides to pop back up out of no where. He to misses me-ummmmmmm (by this time i swear ive just lost it-God def has a sense of humor) I agree to have dinner with him later this month (ill let you know how that goes later)>

Situation 5

Enter "c" guy...I realize that this situation is totally all my fault. I met an extremely nice guy and led him on into thinking I was interested when I knew I wasn't. Now I've hurt him-which I feel so bad about.

By friday-I honestly had completely lost my mind. I literally had to turn my phone off just so it would stop ringing. I went to the nail shop forgot my wallet and had not one dime on me-a complete stranger paid for me. I lost my appetite and didn't eat for two days straight. I realized so much in one week that it was emotionally disturbing. I've made so many bad decisions in my life and I've never realized that as much as I did this past week. It was like my past was coming back to me all at once...and everything began to flash in front of me. It's hard to explain the feeling -but it was overwhelming. I'm sooo tired-my spirit-my body-my mind is just tired. I need a break.

"Me time" has never seemed so real.

A/B/C

A couple of days ago I sat around drinking wine and watching the election coverage with my friends uptown. Since Obama was losing:( we begin to have a deep conversation about love and relationships. I brought up the point that there is no such thing as a man who can give it to you all. Meaning this man has a real career, you can bring him home to your mama, he's faithful, you can trust him, and the two of you have ALOT of passion when it comes to each other. In my experience I've dealt with three types of guys in life..the A, B, and the C. I know there may be some expceptions....but uh none of them have crossed my path.....yet.

A Guy-This dude looks great on paper, he's polite to you, he respects his mother, he's driven, he's ready to live the good life, with a trophy wife by his side. However, he is extremely predictable and you'll soon find yourself bored. There's just no surprises with the A guy...

B Guy-Now the B guy is mostly the one women "think" are the loves of their lives. You most certainly cannot take them home to your parents, because they never have their ish together. The B Guy is absolutely an emotional rollercoaster, there are usually more bad than good times with him. It usually takes years to get the B guy completely out of your system. He has a passion that other men usually lack..and besides all that he can blow your back out...which makes you come back for more...but in the end you just end up hurt...

C Guy-The C guy is labled as the "nice" guy. He has his life together, you can take him home to your parents, he might even be good in bed...HOWEVER...he's just to damn nice. He will do basically anything you tell him to do without a fight. He has no spine...and you can pretty much walk all over him...you will get bored with this eventually...

Of course the men in the room argued that this was simply not true and it was possible for a man to have a good life, be great in bed, and make you happy all at the same time. Some of the women in the room who were in relationships said it was possible, and others said it wasn't. So what am I supposed to do, settle for an A guy and not be happy? Do I settle for a B guy who will give me lots of passion, great sex,but will hurt me? Or do I choose the C guy who will do whatever I tell him to?

Then again...I could just choose not to settle.