I remember the first time I saw her in church, she was absolutely gorgeous. Her long brown and blond hair flowed loosely down her back and her green eyes sparkled as she stared up at her husband adoringly. On the outside looking in, she seemed to have what some might consider "the picture perfect life." Her husband was then an up and coming preacher who everyone in Charm city loved and respected. Although he already had a child from a previous relationship, she loved the girl like her own and put her all into building her new family.
During the next 4 years her husband grew to nationwide fame, with his church services on television, radio shows, the building of new ministries, schools, etc. They were [well he was] living out their dreams. They lived in a beautiful water front home, drove a Bentley, and quickly grew to be every one's "favorite" couple. Although some were jealous, she paid them no mine, she went on about her happy life. Within four years she had one baby girl and a set of twins, she was a mother, a wife, a woman of God, she was the Preachers wife.
Everything was right until one faithful day it all fell apart. Many people in the church begin to whisper that her husband had been cheating for years on his beloved wife. She dismissed it as jealously and those close to him denied that he would ever do anything like that and then it happened.
As everyone sat listening to him preach on one particular Sunday, a young woman bust through the door carrying a small child in her hands. Her eyes were blood shot red from crying and she was breathing heavily as she stood in the middle of the sanctuary staring up at the preacher. He looked down at her nervously and kept preaching as people begin to whisper, wondering who she was and why she was interrupting services.
"Tell them Pastor," she said with hate in her eyes.
Security immediately begin to run toward the young woman to carry her away.
The preacher was quiet.
"Tell them she said, tell them how you've been sleeping with me, tell them I have your child, tell them you got me pregnant when I was only 17 years old," she yelled as the sanctuary doors closed behind them.
His wife immediately grabbed her then one child, held onto her pregnant belly, and walked out of the sanctuary fighting back tears. The preacher assured the congregation that there was just some sort of misunderstanding and went on with his service because it was still all about him.
One Year Later...
The cities biggest paper covered the story in detail and exposed that the "perfect" couple had indeed filed for divorce. The preacher wanted a limited divorce, meaning separation. However, the wife wanted an absolute divorce, she was hurt, and forgiving him was not an option. She stopped going to church and kept a somewhat cordial relationship with him for the kids, but she was scorned, he had ruined her picture perfect life.
1 year 6 months later...
I headed out to one of the most popular venues in my city to celebrate the beautiful politicians, celebrities, and educated people who were partying for a week straight. We danced the night away on the clubs rooftop, jamming to old school jams, and laughing about absolutely nothing. I turned around to tell my abc [ace boon coon] something and was shocked to see her talking to the preachers wife.
I clearly wasn't the only one surprised as many people stared, and loudly whispered "isn't that so and so's wife?" It occurred to me that she really had to pick herself up and start over. She had been at the top and now here she was back in the club, partying with 20 somethings, starting from scratch.
She smoothed down her hair, gave me a nod, and put on a brave face as she headed back out into the crowd.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Friday, September 26, 2008
My Bad
To my surprise many of you continue to log on although I haven't been updating...been a bit of a rough week. However, don't you worry I'll be back next week with massive updates:)
Ok, maybe not massive...but it's a great story.
have a good weekend everyone...
xoxoxoxo
Ok, maybe not massive...but it's a great story.
have a good weekend everyone...
xoxoxoxo
Monday, September 22, 2008
The Things You Learn Along the Way
Every time I read a good book, write a story, or watch a good movie, I think of her...Mrs. Johnson.
Freshman Year of High School. First Semester.
I sat in the third row of Mrs. Johnson's freshman English 101 excited to finally be in my first high school class. Although I was the only black student in the class it didn't bother me at all, I was ready for the challenge, ready to learn, and ready to start off the school year right. The first two weeks of the school year went fast and before I knew it, our "big" paper was due. I put my all (or so I thought) into writing about the person who "inspired" me the most, my Mother.
I was positive that I absolutely got an A on the paper and was shocked when Mrs. Johnson asked to see me after class. "You just did ok on this paper," she told me with a disapproving look. "Although you've only been in my class for a little over a month, I see you, I see your full potential," she said. "You have one week to re-write this paper again and this time put your heart into it."
I spent the entire weekend in front of a blank computer replaying Mrs. Johnson's words in my head, but still I got nothing. Finally at 12:00 am Sunday night I woke up and typed what I consider to be one of the best things I have ever written. By the time I had finished I was in tears as I saw on paper just how much my mother had really done for me. Mrs. Johnson was so proud of my paper that she asked me to read it in front of the entire class. At that moment I fell in love with writing and from that day forward I couldn't my pen down.
Once again, I signed up for one of Mrs. Johnson's classes, this time it was Drama 101. I had never been much of an actress, although I had a starring role in my fourth grade play (I was pretty good if I do say so myself). Our assignments included acting out our favorite movies, plays, and television shows in front of classmates. However, our biggest assignment was to pair up in teams of two and write, produce, and act out a one man show. Mrs. Johnson chose who she wanted to actually do the acting and of course she picked me. I was nervous, a one man play at 15 years old is not exactly easy to do. She asked me to portray Billie Holiday, I of course had no idea who she was, but I sure did find out.
However, it turned out to be one of the best experiences of my high school career. It taught me that I really could do anything. It was then that I realized I wanted to be a screenwriter and once again Mrs. Johnson had showed me a whole new world and til this day it still impacts my life.
Junior Year...
By this time, Mrs. Johnson was my favorite teacher and we had built a strong relationship. I looked up to her and appreciated everything she had taught me thus far.
My high school crew and I sashayed into the school auditorium like we were the best things since sliced bread. It was unbelievably crowded since everyone was excited about the school talent show. There were absolutely no seats in the front or in the middle of the auditorium so we had no other choice but to sit in the back and we did. As the show was about to begin, Mrs. Johnson walked by smiled at us and asked why were sitting in the back?
"Oh" she said before we could even answer, "I forgot your people love sitting in the back."
At first we laughed awkwardly and then my friends who were all sitting around me and happened to be black begin to get extremely upset within seconds. I felt my cheeks get flushed and my heart was beginning to beat faster with the second. One of the guys who was sitting with us took his school sweater off and threw it in the middle of the aisle and walked up onto the stage.
"Racist" he yelled to the audience, "this school is so racist." The principles secretary asked my friends, the guy who walked up on stage, and me to all come to his office immediately. We sat angrily around the table and told him why were mad and he listened.
Three days later Mrs. Johnson was fired from the school she had been teaching at for the past 20 years. I had lost a mentor and my feelings about it were mixed. I couldn't understand how someone who had always encouraged me, would do something like that. It was wrong any or every way you looked at it and she couldn't take it back.
It hurt me to my core, but made me stronger. The next week I started the first African American Student club in our high schools history. Every single black student (all 42 of us) gathered into one of the classrooms after school and discussed our agenda. They voted to put me in place as there president, and for the very first time, I was in charge. Although Mrs. Johnson's actions had hurt me they helped me all the same.
Senior Year...
My high school never really had anything to do with black history month. I never once remember them mentioning it in a school assembly or celebrating it any way. That all changed when I started the Black Awareness Club. I wrote, produced, and acted in my very first screen-play for the black history month assembly that our club put together. It was such a big deal, that local press, and even some national public figures had come to watch. As I stood in front of the hundreds of people in the audience I noticed Mrs. Johnson sitting way in the back peering up at me with pride.
Despite what had happened, I was still thankful to her for opening my eyes to a whole new world. In her own way, she changed my life.
Freshman Year of High School. First Semester.
I sat in the third row of Mrs. Johnson's freshman English 101 excited to finally be in my first high school class. Although I was the only black student in the class it didn't bother me at all, I was ready for the challenge, ready to learn, and ready to start off the school year right. The first two weeks of the school year went fast and before I knew it, our "big" paper was due. I put my all (or so I thought) into writing about the person who "inspired" me the most, my Mother.
I was positive that I absolutely got an A on the paper and was shocked when Mrs. Johnson asked to see me after class. "You just did ok on this paper," she told me with a disapproving look. "Although you've only been in my class for a little over a month, I see you, I see your full potential," she said. "You have one week to re-write this paper again and this time put your heart into it."
I spent the entire weekend in front of a blank computer replaying Mrs. Johnson's words in my head, but still I got nothing. Finally at 12:00 am Sunday night I woke up and typed what I consider to be one of the best things I have ever written. By the time I had finished I was in tears as I saw on paper just how much my mother had really done for me. Mrs. Johnson was so proud of my paper that she asked me to read it in front of the entire class. At that moment I fell in love with writing and from that day forward I couldn't my pen down.
1 year later...
Once again, I signed up for one of Mrs. Johnson's classes, this time it was Drama 101. I had never been much of an actress, although I had a starring role in my fourth grade play (I was pretty good if I do say so myself). Our assignments included acting out our favorite movies, plays, and television shows in front of classmates. However, our biggest assignment was to pair up in teams of two and write, produce, and act out a one man show. Mrs. Johnson chose who she wanted to actually do the acting and of course she picked me. I was nervous, a one man play at 15 years old is not exactly easy to do. She asked me to portray Billie Holiday, I of course had no idea who she was, but I sure did find out.
However, it turned out to be one of the best experiences of my high school career. It taught me that I really could do anything. It was then that I realized I wanted to be a screenwriter and once again Mrs. Johnson had showed me a whole new world and til this day it still impacts my life.
Junior Year...
By this time, Mrs. Johnson was my favorite teacher and we had built a strong relationship. I looked up to her and appreciated everything she had taught me thus far.
My high school crew and I sashayed into the school auditorium like we were the best things since sliced bread. It was unbelievably crowded since everyone was excited about the school talent show. There were absolutely no seats in the front or in the middle of the auditorium so we had no other choice but to sit in the back and we did. As the show was about to begin, Mrs. Johnson walked by smiled at us and asked why were sitting in the back?
"Oh" she said before we could even answer, "I forgot your people love sitting in the back."
At first we laughed awkwardly and then my friends who were all sitting around me and happened to be black begin to get extremely upset within seconds. I felt my cheeks get flushed and my heart was beginning to beat faster with the second. One of the guys who was sitting with us took his school sweater off and threw it in the middle of the aisle and walked up onto the stage.
"Racist" he yelled to the audience, "this school is so racist." The principles secretary asked my friends, the guy who walked up on stage, and me to all come to his office immediately. We sat angrily around the table and told him why were mad and he listened.
Three days later Mrs. Johnson was fired from the school she had been teaching at for the past 20 years. I had lost a mentor and my feelings about it were mixed. I couldn't understand how someone who had always encouraged me, would do something like that. It was wrong any or every way you looked at it and she couldn't take it back.
It hurt me to my core, but made me stronger. The next week I started the first African American Student club in our high schools history. Every single black student (all 42 of us) gathered into one of the classrooms after school and discussed our agenda. They voted to put me in place as there president, and for the very first time, I was in charge. Although Mrs. Johnson's actions had hurt me they helped me all the same.
Senior Year...
My high school never really had anything to do with black history month. I never once remember them mentioning it in a school assembly or celebrating it any way. That all changed when I started the Black Awareness Club. I wrote, produced, and acted in my very first screen-play for the black history month assembly that our club put together. It was such a big deal, that local press, and even some national public figures had come to watch. As I stood in front of the hundreds of people in the audience I noticed Mrs. Johnson sitting way in the back peering up at me with pride.
Despite what had happened, I was still thankful to her for opening my eyes to a whole new world. In her own way, she changed my life.
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Hold Up
Yesterday...
I made a run to the mall in the middle of a day to pick up something that I had been meaning to get for weeks. Q and I had just got off the phone and I couldn't help but walk thru the mall grinning about our convo. I spotted a friend at the makeup counter in Nordstrom and went over to talk to her, 5 minutes into my conversation I felt a tap on my shoulder...
It was her, the chick from the bar/lounge that had cut her eyes at me all night.
TC: Hi, I didn't get a chance to introduce myself to you that night at the lounge, I'm Lauren.
Me: Oh, well nice to meet you, Q told me you and him used to work together? [Phony smile]
TC: [laughing] Work together? Why would he say that..hmm? No we dated....for a long time.
::I was trying not to show my obvious shock, but I'm so bad with facial expressions::
Me: Oh ok, well it was kind of loud in the lounge, maybe he did mention that [I lied].
TC: Yea me and Q have always had this on and off relationship...right now we're off, but we always find our way back to each other.
Me: Interesting...well you have a great day, I'm going to finish shopping.
TC: You too...oh and tell Q I said hi and I'll be giving him a call real soon.
PAUSE: No this biatch didn't! UGH. I wanted to scream, slap the hell out of her, and pull those long misguided tracks out of her head. Instead I bit my tongue and just walked away, besides she wasn't worth going to jail. [I have a clean record].
I immediately called Q once I got to my car and told him that I would be busy tonight and he didn't need to come over. He asked me why twice...and my response..."because I'm busy." I knew he was confused and maybe a little bit hurt, but I didn't care I was pissed. However, my boy told me not to play games with him and just tell him what happened, so I did.
I explained the entire scenario that had happened at the mall, Q assured me that this chick was absolutely no one important and just someone he'd...well....had sex with on more than one occasion in the past, but she was def nobody special. He was so mad that he wanted to leave work early and come over and explain in person, but I wasn't having it. Instead I went to a concert with my ABC [ace boon coon] and tried to forget about everything.
But I couldn't....
By the time I got home it was past midnight and Q insisted that I let him come over even if it was just for 5 minutes to explain. So I let him...[mistake].
I opened the door with a blank [purposefully] expression on my face and tell him to come in. He sits on the couch and starts telling me the truth about this [wack ass] broad.
Q: Look we never "dated" per say. I never took this chick anywhere besides star bucks or some local diner if that. It was sex, that's all it was and if she thinks otherwise then she's highly mistaken.
Me: So when was the last time you "dealt" with her?
Q: At least 6 months ago. When you saw me talking to her in the club I was just being cordial, it wasn't what you thought.
Me: Well she said you guys have an "on again-off again" relationship...is that true?
::crickets::
Q: Yes. Well it was true..but there won't be anything on again with her..ever again. Believe that.
Me: Believe that? Why should I Q, you lied to my face! You made me look like an idiot...why?
Q: The only reason I told you she was a co-worker is because I didn't want to cause drama and ruin your night out. I really had planned to tell you. Besides sweetheart, this girl is not anyone I would ever have a serious relationship with. I can name at least 7 dudes she's been with off the top of my head. She's grimy, she even tried to get down with her girl's man. Come on now..I don't want her...I want you.
Me: Well prove it...and don't lie to me again. There's nothing more in this world I despise more than a liar, just tell me the truth. I'd rather hear it from you than from someone else.
::pulling me into his arms and kissing my forehead::
Q: It won't happen again, I promise.
Me: Ok...
...We went to sleep, but I slept far on the other side of the bed.
FYI: To my fav person [ you know who you are] I'm glad I waited .
I made a run to the mall in the middle of a day to pick up something that I had been meaning to get for weeks. Q and I had just got off the phone and I couldn't help but walk thru the mall grinning about our convo. I spotted a friend at the makeup counter in Nordstrom and went over to talk to her, 5 minutes into my conversation I felt a tap on my shoulder...
It was her, the chick from the bar/lounge that had cut her eyes at me all night.
TC: Hi, I didn't get a chance to introduce myself to you that night at the lounge, I'm Lauren.
Me: Oh, well nice to meet you, Q told me you and him used to work together? [Phony smile]
TC: [laughing] Work together? Why would he say that..hmm? No we dated....for a long time.
::I was trying not to show my obvious shock, but I'm so bad with facial expressions::
Me: Oh ok, well it was kind of loud in the lounge, maybe he did mention that [I lied].
TC: Yea me and Q have always had this on and off relationship...right now we're off, but we always find our way back to each other.
Me: Interesting...well you have a great day, I'm going to finish shopping.
TC: You too...oh and tell Q I said hi and I'll be giving him a call real soon.
PAUSE: No this biatch didn't! UGH. I wanted to scream, slap the hell out of her, and pull those long misguided tracks out of her head. Instead I bit my tongue and just walked away, besides she wasn't worth going to jail. [I have a clean record].
I immediately called Q once I got to my car and told him that I would be busy tonight and he didn't need to come over. He asked me why twice...and my response..."because I'm busy." I knew he was confused and maybe a little bit hurt, but I didn't care I was pissed. However, my boy told me not to play games with him and just tell him what happened, so I did.
I explained the entire scenario that had happened at the mall, Q assured me that this chick was absolutely no one important and just someone he'd...well....had sex with on more than one occasion in the past, but she was def nobody special. He was so mad that he wanted to leave work early and come over and explain in person, but I wasn't having it. Instead I went to a concert with my ABC [ace boon coon] and tried to forget about everything.
But I couldn't....
By the time I got home it was past midnight and Q insisted that I let him come over even if it was just for 5 minutes to explain. So I let him...[mistake].
I opened the door with a blank [purposefully] expression on my face and tell him to come in. He sits on the couch and starts telling me the truth about this [wack ass] broad.
Q: Look we never "dated" per say. I never took this chick anywhere besides star bucks or some local diner if that. It was sex, that's all it was and if she thinks otherwise then she's highly mistaken.
Me: So when was the last time you "dealt" with her?
Q: At least 6 months ago. When you saw me talking to her in the club I was just being cordial, it wasn't what you thought.
Me: Well she said you guys have an "on again-off again" relationship...is that true?
::crickets::
Q: Yes. Well it was true..but there won't be anything on again with her..ever again. Believe that.
Me: Believe that? Why should I Q, you lied to my face! You made me look like an idiot...why?
Q: The only reason I told you she was a co-worker is because I didn't want to cause drama and ruin your night out. I really had planned to tell you. Besides sweetheart, this girl is not anyone I would ever have a serious relationship with. I can name at least 7 dudes she's been with off the top of my head. She's grimy, she even tried to get down with her girl's man. Come on now..I don't want her...I want you.
Me: Well prove it...and don't lie to me again. There's nothing more in this world I despise more than a liar, just tell me the truth. I'd rather hear it from you than from someone else.
::pulling me into his arms and kissing my forehead::
Q: It won't happen again, I promise.
Me: Ok...
...We went to sleep, but I slept far on the other side of the bed.
FYI: To my fav person [ you know who you are] I'm glad I waited .
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
The Truth| ALL MEN LIE
"You guys, I've discovered one of the unknown truth about men," I expressed to my co-workers over lunch. Brandon and Monica both raised their eyebrows and said in unison, "What is it?"
"That they all lie!" I answered.
Monica shook her head and said "You're right about that girl!" Brandon rolled his eyes and said that it wasn't true.
"See there," I said to Brandon "you're lying RIGHT now..and for what?" He laughed and I explained to them how I had come to this conclusion by two situations that happened to me in the last 7 days.
Situation 1
The clock read 10:30 p.m., the Hills had come on and gone off, the dishes were washed, and I was still waiting for RJ. "I'll be there by 9:30, he had told me just 3 hours ago."
Maybe something had happened, I should give him the benefit of the doubt right? [wrong] I called, twice...no answer. Five minutes later he calls me back...
Him: Hey my bad, I'm on the way [ lying]
Me: What happened I thought you were gonna be here in an hour ago?
Him: I got caught up with one of my boys, he needed my help. [lying]
Me: Oh ok, well I'll see you when you get here.
::Click::
I couldn't believe he had just blatantly lied to me like that. One of our mutual friends had innocently text me that he was at the same place as RJ watching the big game. I just didn't get it, what was the big deal? Why couldn't he just tell me he was watching the game with his boys and would be over after? It makes no sense to me.
I didn't say anything about it when he finally did come over, I just let it go and made a mental note to myself.
Situation 2
Q [the older man] explained on a particular Friday night that he was beat from a long day at work and was just gonna stay in and hit the sheets. I had absolutely no problem with that since we had been with each other for the past 3 days. Besides I wanted to hang with the girls anyway and that's exactly what I did. A couple of old friends and I headed downtown to d.c. to chill at a bar/lounge.
Imagine my surprise when I was sipping on my martini and talking to some random [dude] when I spotted Q across the room whispering in some chicks ear. My mouth dropped, I wasn't gonna cause a scene or act crazy [ it's not like we're exclusive]. I guess he felt someone staring at him because he looked up and our eyes met. I shook my head, looked away, and pretended that this random [wack dude] was the most interesting person on Earth.
Q grabbed my hand, I pulled away.
Him: hey don't be like that, I used to work with that woman, I was just talking to her.
Me: I don't care about you talking to that woman Q...that's not what I'm mad at.
Him: Look I did not want to come out tonight, I really wanted to stay inside but one of my boys had a bad day and wanted to come out [just lying].
Me: Ok Q, it's fine really. Enjoy your night.
::I smiled, walked away, and continued talking to my girls like nothing had happened::
Q came after me, held me from behind, and whispered he was sorry again in my ear. I let it go...once again. However I still didn't get it. Why couldn't he just tell me that he wanted to go out with his boys that night? I wouldn't have cared, really!
FYI: that chick cut her eyes at me the whole night...hmm
...
"Well," my male co-worker said obviously amused by male bashing stories. "That's what men do, we lie about simple sh*t, I don't know why we just do."
Me: So what are women supposed to do just accept it?
Him: Yea because we won't stop lying..that's just how it is.
Me: Well ok then...
::I give up::
"That they all lie!" I answered.
Monica shook her head and said "You're right about that girl!" Brandon rolled his eyes and said that it wasn't true.
"See there," I said to Brandon "you're lying RIGHT now..and for what?" He laughed and I explained to them how I had come to this conclusion by two situations that happened to me in the last 7 days.
Situation 1
The clock read 10:30 p.m., the Hills had come on and gone off, the dishes were washed, and I was still waiting for RJ. "I'll be there by 9:30, he had told me just 3 hours ago."
Maybe something had happened, I should give him the benefit of the doubt right? [wrong] I called, twice...no answer. Five minutes later he calls me back...
Him: Hey my bad, I'm on the way [ lying]
Me: What happened I thought you were gonna be here in an hour ago?
Him: I got caught up with one of my boys, he needed my help. [lying]
Me: Oh ok, well I'll see you when you get here.
::Click::
I couldn't believe he had just blatantly lied to me like that. One of our mutual friends had innocently text me that he was at the same place as RJ watching the big game. I just didn't get it, what was the big deal? Why couldn't he just tell me he was watching the game with his boys and would be over after? It makes no sense to me.
I didn't say anything about it when he finally did come over, I just let it go and made a mental note to myself.
Situation 2
Q [the older man] explained on a particular Friday night that he was beat from a long day at work and was just gonna stay in and hit the sheets. I had absolutely no problem with that since we had been with each other for the past 3 days. Besides I wanted to hang with the girls anyway and that's exactly what I did. A couple of old friends and I headed downtown to d.c. to chill at a bar/lounge.
Imagine my surprise when I was sipping on my martini and talking to some random [dude] when I spotted Q across the room whispering in some chicks ear. My mouth dropped, I wasn't gonna cause a scene or act crazy [ it's not like we're exclusive]. I guess he felt someone staring at him because he looked up and our eyes met. I shook my head, looked away, and pretended that this random [wack dude] was the most interesting person on Earth.
Q grabbed my hand, I pulled away.
Him: hey don't be like that, I used to work with that woman, I was just talking to her.
Me: I don't care about you talking to that woman Q...that's not what I'm mad at.
Him: Look I did not want to come out tonight, I really wanted to stay inside but one of my boys had a bad day and wanted to come out [just lying].
Me: Ok Q, it's fine really. Enjoy your night.
::I smiled, walked away, and continued talking to my girls like nothing had happened::
Q came after me, held me from behind, and whispered he was sorry again in my ear. I let it go...once again. However I still didn't get it. Why couldn't he just tell me that he wanted to go out with his boys that night? I wouldn't have cared, really!
FYI: that chick cut her eyes at me the whole night...hmm
...
"Well," my male co-worker said obviously amused by male bashing stories. "That's what men do, we lie about simple sh*t, I don't know why we just do."
Me: So what are women supposed to do just accept it?
Him: Yea because we won't stop lying..that's just how it is.
Me: Well ok then...
::I give up::
Friday, September 12, 2008
Thursday, September 11, 2008
That Old Man Swag
{He has nothing to do with this post. he's just fine..and i wanted to look at him. that is all}
Back to our regularly scheduled program:
I am so confused.
Forget that.
I'm lost...I don't get it. What-the-hell-is going-on?
As of late, I can't seem to shake the o.m.s., you know the old man swag. Every other day there seems to be some "man" between the ages of 28-35 approaching me. I find myself looking in the mirror more to see if something has changed, nope still the same.
Maybe it's the area I work in, there are lots of successful older black men around who seem to want a PYT {Yes JP I'm still a PYT} on there are arm. It's almost disgusting. I'm sure there are plenty of successful 30+ women who would love to date someone of their caliber and age.
Now don't get me wrong, Q is an older man and he's great. Although our differences can sometimes be obvious and annoying I still like him all the same, but he's where I draw the line. It's as if these o.m.s. can smell that I'm dating someone older...they're preying on me.
Yesterday...
I bounced out of work [early-smh] to go get my hair done [down the street] at my God-Mother's salon. My uncle [her brother] stood in the long driveway watching me pull up. He glanced at his watch and looked at me like I had 4 eyes, "you just bounced outta work huh, dag on shame" he yelled at me as he walked back into the salon. I gave him a look like I know you're not talking.
Three of my godbrothers and my little godsister were playing in the yard [mind you they're all under the age of 10 and hyperactive].
"Sweetheart, sweetheart" they yelled jumping all over me and my still unwrinkled dress. I gave them a big hug and promised I'd be back outside later to play with them.
"SweetHeart!" This time someone I didn't really care for was yelling my name like I was her best friend. I gave her a phoney smile [you know the kind where you don't show your teeth] and waved my hand. "Girl, I have a surprise for you" she said, "I'm so glad you're here." Mind you this is a grown ass woman [30+] who still dresses like she's 16.
I nodded my head, kissed my Godmother and went around the salon to say my hellos.
20 minutes later....that "woman" calls my name again. "Someones out front to see you," she says smiling way to hard. Out of curiosity I go outside and notice a big black Navigator sitting in the drive way. The window rolls down and it's a familiar face.
Him: Hey pretty lady, you remember me?
Me: Yea, I think so, you were at that cookout, right?
Him: Yep, that was me. I haven't been able to get you off of my mind since that day
Me: Um. that was two months ago.
Him: I know right...it's been a long two months girl.
Me: Well it was nice seeing you again (I start slowly backing away from the car)
Him: Wait..wait..come back!! I just want to talk to you for a second..dag.
Me: Look I'm not trying to be rude, but you're way to old for me.
Him: Girl, I'm only 35. You acting like I'm John McCain or something.
::I laugh..hard::
Me: I'm not dating right now...sorry. [yea I lied]
Him: Who says I want to date..I just want to be your friend..take you out..
::crickets::
The radio is playing in the background and T.I.'s "Whatever you like" comes on, mind you I'm still trying to back away from the car.
Him:You like this song..Whatevvvvvvvvver you like..yeaaaaaaaa...
::he then proceeds to point at me and starts singing the full chorus:: My mouth drops open and I look both ways to make sure no one is watching this..this..this fool embarrass himself.
Me: Well I have to go.
I start walking [running] back into the salon.
Him: Waitttttttt you didn't get my num-
The salon door closes before he can finish his sentence, I give that "woman" the side eye and make my way out back to play with the kids.
"Who was that old man?" the youngest one ask me.
"Nobody sweetie, nobody at all."
Forget that.
I'm lost...I don't get it. What-the-hell-is going-on?
As of late, I can't seem to shake the o.m.s., you know the old man swag. Every other day there seems to be some "man" between the ages of 28-35 approaching me. I find myself looking in the mirror more to see if something has changed, nope still the same.
Maybe it's the area I work in, there are lots of successful older black men around who seem to want a PYT {Yes JP I'm still a PYT} on there are arm. It's almost disgusting. I'm sure there are plenty of successful 30+ women who would love to date someone of their caliber and age.
Now don't get me wrong, Q is an older man and he's great. Although our differences can sometimes be obvious and annoying I still like him all the same, but he's where I draw the line. It's as if these o.m.s. can smell that I'm dating someone older...they're preying on me.
Yesterday...
I bounced out of work [early-smh] to go get my hair done [down the street] at my God-Mother's salon. My uncle [her brother] stood in the long driveway watching me pull up. He glanced at his watch and looked at me like I had 4 eyes, "you just bounced outta work huh, dag on shame" he yelled at me as he walked back into the salon. I gave him a look like I know you're not talking.
Three of my godbrothers and my little godsister were playing in the yard [mind you they're all under the age of 10 and hyperactive].
"Sweetheart, sweetheart" they yelled jumping all over me and my still unwrinkled dress. I gave them a big hug and promised I'd be back outside later to play with them.
"SweetHeart!" This time someone I didn't really care for was yelling my name like I was her best friend. I gave her a phoney smile [you know the kind where you don't show your teeth] and waved my hand. "Girl, I have a surprise for you" she said, "I'm so glad you're here." Mind you this is a grown ass woman [30+] who still dresses like she's 16.
I nodded my head, kissed my Godmother and went around the salon to say my hellos.
20 minutes later....that "woman" calls my name again. "Someones out front to see you," she says smiling way to hard. Out of curiosity I go outside and notice a big black Navigator sitting in the drive way. The window rolls down and it's a familiar face.
Him: Hey pretty lady, you remember me?
Me: Yea, I think so, you were at that cookout, right?
Him: Yep, that was me. I haven't been able to get you off of my mind since that day
Me: Um. that was two months ago.
Him: I know right...it's been a long two months girl.
Me: Well it was nice seeing you again (I start slowly backing away from the car)
Him: Wait..wait..come back!! I just want to talk to you for a second..dag.
Me: Look I'm not trying to be rude, but you're way to old for me.
Him: Girl, I'm only 35. You acting like I'm John McCain or something.
::I laugh..hard::
Me: I'm not dating right now...sorry. [yea I lied]
Him: Who says I want to date..I just want to be your friend..take you out..
::crickets::
The radio is playing in the background and T.I.'s "Whatever you like" comes on, mind you I'm still trying to back away from the car.
Him:You like this song..Whatevvvvvvvvver you like..yeaaaaaaaa...
::he then proceeds to point at me and starts singing the full chorus:: My mouth drops open and I look both ways to make sure no one is watching this..this..this fool embarrass himself.
Me: Well I have to go.
I start walking [running] back into the salon.
Him: Waitttttttt you didn't get my num-
The salon door closes before he can finish his sentence, I give that "woman" the side eye and make my way out back to play with the kids.
"Who was that old man?" the youngest one ask me.
"Nobody sweetie, nobody at all."
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Up-up-up-upgrade Me...Well You
Confession: I've always been the type of girl who held a job and made my own way, even when I really didn't have to. I did everything in my power to relieve the stress on my parents when it came to the cost of my college education. I applied and received the scholarships and got any small loans needed to make sure that my parents didn't have to come out of pocket [current cost of tuition at my Alma mater=$42,000 per year]. I had no co-signers for school loans, I did it on my own. When I graduated I moved into my very first apartment, paid almost $2,000 in rent every month [by myself], bought all of my furniture [brand new], and never once asked my parents for a dime. I just recently purchased a 2008 brand spankin new whip, with an affordable car note, and no I didn't need a co-signer for that either. I manage to pay rent, a car note, insurance, cable, electricity, etc. every single month on time, by myself, with no help. I'm independent, I love that I don't have to depend on anyone else but me, it really is the greatest feeling in the world. With that said...you can see why I'm hesitant when it comes to men "taking care of me" right? Rightttttttttttt...
I slammed Q's car door and started walking to my apartment. I took a moment, sighed heavily, realized I was being extremely immature and went back to apologize. "I'm sorry," I said. "Yea, me to" he said looking at me while smiling. We kissed good night and I climbed back out to head to my apartment. I threw my bag down, kicked off my shoes, and laid lazily across my living room couch. My mind started to drift back to everything that had happened in just 4 short hours.
It had started off as a wonderful day, my boss was so happy with my project at work, that he gave me another more challenging project that I really wanted to work on. Not even 5 minutes later Q text me that he was taking me out right after work and there were "no, ifs, ands, or buts about it." The end of the day came before I knew it and Q was parked right outside of my building promptly at 6 p.m.
He drove us to my [new] favorite seafood place downtown by the water. I couldn't help but be giddy since I had just told him last week how much I had missed good seafood since being away from home. We were having such a good time, until the check came that is.
Now fellas and ladies, hear me out. For the past 3 months, this man has been taking me out every week and spending God knows how much money on food, fun, and entertainment. So me, being the [independent] woman I am, take the check from the waiter when he comes to the table with it. Q looks at me baffled and tries to grab it from me.
Me: Babe, I got this..let me take care of it [altho the check was well over $100-ouch]
Him: No, please Sweetheart just give me the check
Me: Ok, Q what's the big deal? You're always paying for dinner why can't I pay?
Him: Because that's not your place...
Me: My place? What the hell does that mean?
Him: Look I was raised that a woman shouldn't be paying for anything, that's a man's position.
Me: Wow [shaking my head]
The waiter comes back and I practically throw my gold card at him. Q then gets up and starts walking out of the restaurant. I cannot believe how upset he's getting because I paid for dinner, for once. Ugh..MEN.
We argue the entire way back to my place. Apparently he grew up with a stay at home mom who never worked and his father had always taken care of everything. In fact he said he would prefer it if his wife didn't work either.
Me: Well I guess I won't be your wife then.
Him: I guess not.
By this time we're driving up to my apartment and I'm pissed...so is he.
The noise of my phone buzzing brings me back to reality, it's a text from Q.
"I'm sorry, I was wrong for what I said. I just want to take care of you."
I didn't even know what to say or how to say it. I didn't want to crush his feelings, but uh a man taking "care" of me? No thank you. Besides, I already have a daddy.
I powered my phone off and went to sleep.
Monday, September 8, 2008
Thursday, September 4, 2008
The Bigger Issue
A few months back...
I cleared my throat, wiped the tears from my eyes, swept my hair out of my face, and opened the door to my [then] office. The receptionist mouthed, "are you ok?" I smiled and nodded yes like all was right with the world even though it wasn't. I ran into the bathroom to clean my face so that no one else would notice I had been crying.
My co-worker [fortunately my bff at work] was in the bathroom. I told her I had just gotten in a horrible fight with my ex-boyfriend and I couldn't think straight. He was in my head and my heart. I couldn't get him or all of the horrible things he had just said to me off of my mind. Part of me wanted to hop on a train to D.C. shake the hell out of him until he turned back into the guy I had fallen in love with, but part of me never wanted to talk to him again.
We both had [have] a way of getting underneath each others skin. It's almost as if we soley enjoy hurting one another, I don't get it or understand how it happened. While I was telling my coworker this she continued to fix her hair and then said something to me I'll never forget,
"Sweetheart, just stop. HE'S GOING TO D-E-S-T-R-O-Y YOUR LIFE." With that, she gave one more pat to her head and walked out of the bathroom leaving me alone with my thoughts. I knew she was 100% right in everyway, but my heart still in some way yearned for him. I had been learning the same lesson for way to long. It had been years of on and off drama that was so uneccessary. I thought about the rest of my life....I had a great job, 2 loving and healthy parents, the best friends a girl could ask for, and all the faith in the world to carry me through, and him. He was [is] really my only problem, my only issue, the only "drama" in my life.
It's a drama that I've become accustomed to. That I'm used to. It was [is] so bad to the point where I forget what it was like to not have this "problem" in my life.
Why is that so many of us believe that life has to be hard. We get caught up in it all, thinking that when it gets to easy, something is bound to go wrong. For some reason it gets in grained in our head that for life to be worth anything, we have to struggle...right?
It took me along time to realize that in him and all of his drama I was creating the distraction in my life. Instead of confronting the bigger issue, I let him and all of his problems linger on in my life for a very long time, instead of just letting it GO.
I just don't want to be that girl [woman] who settled for less than she deserved, because she avoided fighting for her hearts desire. I want to get the lesson and move on.
One of my favorite people told me yesterday that he would ask me in September 09 how I felt about him [my ex]. I hope to be in an entirely different place in 365 days...I hope that when he does ask me...I past the test.
I cleared my throat, wiped the tears from my eyes, swept my hair out of my face, and opened the door to my [then] office. The receptionist mouthed, "are you ok?" I smiled and nodded yes like all was right with the world even though it wasn't. I ran into the bathroom to clean my face so that no one else would notice I had been crying.
My co-worker [fortunately my bff at work] was in the bathroom. I told her I had just gotten in a horrible fight with my ex-boyfriend and I couldn't think straight. He was in my head and my heart. I couldn't get him or all of the horrible things he had just said to me off of my mind. Part of me wanted to hop on a train to D.C. shake the hell out of him until he turned back into the guy I had fallen in love with, but part of me never wanted to talk to him again.
We both had [have] a way of getting underneath each others skin. It's almost as if we soley enjoy hurting one another, I don't get it or understand how it happened. While I was telling my coworker this she continued to fix her hair and then said something to me I'll never forget,
"Sweetheart, just stop. HE'S GOING TO D-E-S-T-R-O-Y YOUR LIFE." With that, she gave one more pat to her head and walked out of the bathroom leaving me alone with my thoughts. I knew she was 100% right in everyway, but my heart still in some way yearned for him. I had been learning the same lesson for way to long. It had been years of on and off drama that was so uneccessary. I thought about the rest of my life....I had a great job, 2 loving and healthy parents, the best friends a girl could ask for, and all the faith in the world to carry me through, and him. He was [is] really my only problem, my only issue, the only "drama" in my life.
It's a drama that I've become accustomed to. That I'm used to. It was [is] so bad to the point where I forget what it was like to not have this "problem" in my life.
Why is that so many of us believe that life has to be hard. We get caught up in it all, thinking that when it gets to easy, something is bound to go wrong. For some reason it gets in grained in our head that for life to be worth anything, we have to struggle...right?
It took me along time to realize that in him and all of his drama I was creating the distraction in my life. Instead of confronting the bigger issue, I let him and all of his problems linger on in my life for a very long time, instead of just letting it GO.
I just don't want to be that girl [woman] who settled for less than she deserved, because she avoided fighting for her hearts desire. I want to get the lesson and move on.
One of my favorite people told me yesterday that he would ask me in September 09 how I felt about him [my ex]. I hope to be in an entirely different place in 365 days...I hope that when he does ask me...I past the test.
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Let's Wait Awhile...
"Strikeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.....I mean gutter ball!" I playfully yelled out loud to Q as he attempted to out do my score during our fourth straight game of bowling against each other. He looked back at me, gave me a smirk, and still managed to knock down 7 pins even with my interruption.
"Ha, beat that" he said.
We were having one of those great dates, you know the kind where everything he says is funny, when you can't stop smiling, and where living in the moment really is all that matters. I sashayed [purposefully] to pick up my ball. I had on my favorite jeans, the ones that are just the perfect fit, I knew he was watching me walk, I wanted him to.
I focused my eyes on the pins like I was gunning for a gold medal. Q laughed hard in the background and started shouting all types of things to distract me. I paid him no mind and hit my third strike of the night. I thru my hands up Michael Phelps style and did my winning dance, "I won, I won." Q scooped me up, threw me over his shoulders, and we exited the bowling alley [don't worry we returned the awful rented shoes].
"Where are we going next?" I asked.
"Back to your place." He said smiling.
My heart skipped a beat. Although he had been to my place to drop me off or stop in briefly we had never really chilled there. We always went to his house and I was more comfortable with that. In many ways I'm a private person, I don't like letting people into my personal space. However, I said nothing because it had been 3 months, and he always opened his home to me so why couldn't I open mine to him.
Just as I was becoming okay with the idea, another thought hit me. It had beeeeen 3 months...3 months....did he think...yes he def thinks it's time we stop playing and have sex. Sure we had our moments, but we had never gone all the way [yes I know that sounds old fashion]. I loved him for that, for being patient, a gentlemen, and not rushing me. He really didn't bring it up, (not that he didn't/doesn't) try. I've always been the kind of girl who believes in only sleeping with someone when you're in a committed relationship. Sex complicates things...it can hurt people...it can make you feel used..and ruin a great thing. I didn't want that to happen to us, I wanted us to take our time.
Every bad thought was running thru my mind. What if I sleep with him and then that's it? What if he's not as consistent as he has been? What if he ditches me the next week? It's not that I didn't want to, I just became...scared...of what would happen afterwards. This is after all an older man. Are the rules different when it comes to sex? 20 something males are so predictable because for the most part they're only after one thing. However, with Q it was hard to tell, he's so mature, there are no games, there's just clarity.
Before I knew it we were at my place, making out on my couch, and I felt him reaching into his pocket...."wait" I said.
"Ha, beat that" he said.
We were having one of those great dates, you know the kind where everything he says is funny, when you can't stop smiling, and where living in the moment really is all that matters. I sashayed [purposefully] to pick up my ball. I had on my favorite jeans, the ones that are just the perfect fit, I knew he was watching me walk, I wanted him to.
I focused my eyes on the pins like I was gunning for a gold medal. Q laughed hard in the background and started shouting all types of things to distract me. I paid him no mind and hit my third strike of the night. I thru my hands up Michael Phelps style and did my winning dance, "I won, I won." Q scooped me up, threw me over his shoulders, and we exited the bowling alley [don't worry we returned the awful rented shoes].
"Where are we going next?" I asked.
"Back to your place." He said smiling.
My heart skipped a beat. Although he had been to my place to drop me off or stop in briefly we had never really chilled there. We always went to his house and I was more comfortable with that. In many ways I'm a private person, I don't like letting people into my personal space. However, I said nothing because it had been 3 months, and he always opened his home to me so why couldn't I open mine to him.
Just as I was becoming okay with the idea, another thought hit me. It had beeeeen 3 months...3 months....did he think...yes he def thinks it's time we stop playing and have sex. Sure we had our moments, but we had never gone all the way [yes I know that sounds old fashion]. I loved him for that, for being patient, a gentlemen, and not rushing me. He really didn't bring it up, (not that he didn't/doesn't) try. I've always been the kind of girl who believes in only sleeping with someone when you're in a committed relationship. Sex complicates things...it can hurt people...it can make you feel used..and ruin a great thing. I didn't want that to happen to us, I wanted us to take our time.
Every bad thought was running thru my mind. What if I sleep with him and then that's it? What if he's not as consistent as he has been? What if he ditches me the next week? It's not that I didn't want to, I just became...scared...of what would happen afterwards. This is after all an older man. Are the rules different when it comes to sex? 20 something males are so predictable because for the most part they're only after one thing. However, with Q it was hard to tell, he's so mature, there are no games, there's just clarity.
Before I knew it we were at my place, making out on my couch, and I felt him reaching into his pocket...."wait" I said.
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Continued...
I stared at the clock in my dorm room as the 5 o'clock hour seemed to be taking forever. 50...51...52...59...6:00 p.m. ::silence:: I waited [impatiently] as the time turned to 6:01..02...15...30...and then finally I heard a knock at my door.
I opened the door to find [him] the man I once thought was the love of my life staring back at me. He stood bag in hand, Polo jacket on with a mischievous grin on his face. I smiled at him and opened the door a little wider for him to enter. He put his bag down and no words were spoken as he begin to kiss all over me, grabbing my hair, and tugging at my clothes.
All of a sudden I began pushing him...pushing him hard to get off of me. "Get out," I screamed. He looked at me in shock and confused as to what brought on my sudden change of heart. I kept pushing him as memories of all the horrible things he had done to me flashed in my mind. "Get out, get out, get out," I said with tears streaming down my face. He grabbed his stuff, and started yelling at me, but I screamed over whatever he was saying as I continued to push him toward the door.
He slammed the door and exited my dorm room and life [at the time]. My entire body began to shake as I cried and cried about...everything. I felt so alone..so hurt...and so stupid for what I had almost done.I curled up into a fetal position in my bed, with dried tears on my face, a heavy heart, and went to sleep.
SweetHeart...SweetHeart..SweetHeart..someone was whispering loud into my ear. I turned around to find my boyfriend smiling down at me and I realized that the day had never even begun, which meant that [he] had never come, and that I still had time to make it right.
I kissed my man lightly on the lips, grabbed my phone, and went into the bathroom. I dialed his number and waited for him to answer;
Him: What's up baby girl..I'm packing my bag now
Me: I don't want you to come
Him: What the hell..why?
Me: Because....I have a great man in my life who loves me and treats me right. Besides I'd rather be in love than sprung any day.
I hung up my phone without waiting for him to say another word and powered it off. I went back into the room, melted into my baby's arms and slept peacefully for the entire day.
I opened the door to find [him] the man I once thought was the love of my life staring back at me. He stood bag in hand, Polo jacket on with a mischievous grin on his face. I smiled at him and opened the door a little wider for him to enter. He put his bag down and no words were spoken as he begin to kiss all over me, grabbing my hair, and tugging at my clothes.
All of a sudden I began pushing him...pushing him hard to get off of me. "Get out," I screamed. He looked at me in shock and confused as to what brought on my sudden change of heart. I kept pushing him as memories of all the horrible things he had done to me flashed in my mind. "Get out, get out, get out," I said with tears streaming down my face. He grabbed his stuff, and started yelling at me, but I screamed over whatever he was saying as I continued to push him toward the door.
He slammed the door and exited my dorm room and life [at the time]. My entire body began to shake as I cried and cried about...everything. I felt so alone..so hurt...and so stupid for what I had almost done.I curled up into a fetal position in my bed, with dried tears on my face, a heavy heart, and went to sleep.
SweetHeart...SweetHeart..SweetHeart..someone was whispering loud into my ear. I turned around to find my boyfriend smiling down at me and I realized that the day had never even begun, which meant that [he] had never come, and that I still had time to make it right.
I kissed my man lightly on the lips, grabbed my phone, and went into the bathroom. I dialed his number and waited for him to answer;
Him: What's up baby girl..I'm packing my bag now
Me: I don't want you to come
Him: What the hell..why?
Me: Because....I have a great man in my life who loves me and treats me right. Besides I'd rather be in love than sprung any day.
I hung up my phone without waiting for him to say another word and powered it off. I went back into the room, melted into my baby's arms and slept peacefully for the entire day.
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