Thursday, November 20, 2008
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
It's not ME it's YOU
One of my favorite people (he knows who he is) sent this to me and I actually almost agree with pretty much everything it says. Enjoy!
It's Not Me, It's You.by Panama Jackson
Have you ever come across that woman who just seems like a perfect catch, thru and thru? She's smart. She's cool. She's successful. She's attractive.Or so it all seems.Thing is she's single and nobody can figure out why. She can't seem to find a man who can quite match her level of yokedness. Now from the outside looking in it's pretty simple: she's single because men are intimidated by her.
Or not.
In the realm of relationship myths, the "intimidated man" ranks up there with the 8-hour marathon sessions and zebra-looking unicorns.
You see, it's not that it doesn't exist, its just that it really ain't as common as you may think. And how is this so?Simple.It's not that we're all intimidated…we just don't like you.Egads!Yes, it just may be you.
Since this site is about upliftment (both breast and spirit) and education, allow me to share some behaviors that don't necessarily intimidate us men, we just really don't care for them.Hell, I'm trying to ensure the survival of the species here.
Panama, Wu-Tang, and 3-out-of-4 dentists are for the children.(By the way, I do realize that some men ARE indeed intimidated.
Those men are p*ssies. Thank you.)
1) The know it all
We're glad that you're smart and went to college, really we are. However, we usually did too. Unless we're specifically talking about the one facet of your life you spent the last 8 years devoting your life too, it's quite possible that we know something too. In which case, you should concede the fact that it's possible for somebody else to know something too. We know you probably have daddy issues and have automatic defense mechanisms, however, if you keep it up, you won't have any daughters to pass those daddy issues on to because no man wants to date a woman who's sole purpose in life is to always be right.
In short, shut the f*ck up, have a Coke, and smile. You knowing it all isn't intimidating, its annoying. We'd much rather date a woman who knows that she doesn't know it all, Confucius. You can go fight with the mirror.
2) The overly-independent woman
This woman is the one who cannot let any vulnerabilities show whatsoever. It's not that she won't let you let her be a woman, its that she must let you know that she doesn't need you to do anything for her. Yes you're an independent woman.
Whoopty damn do. Being independent is trendy now anyway. How do I know this? Ne-yo wrote a song about it. You don't get points for being a grown-up. Your independence isn't intimidating, your inability to recognize that it actually does take two to tango is just annoying. Lucky for you, you'll be doing the same ole two-step for years to come anyway. With a Solo cup in your hands while you play Uno.
3) the aggressive-yet-insecure chick
This is the woman who drives me (Panama) the most insane and who I'd like to stab with a starfish and two clownfish.Look, I realize that you were raised strong and you feel that people who don't get you are beneath you, but the truth is, you're probably not cute enough to be the a**hole that you are anyway. Sizing men up and dismissing them immediately and then intentionally trying to let them know that they don't measure up to the man they should be isn't necessarily intimidating…it's more the kind of thing that makes us want to stab you. And stabbing you is problematic because it puts another Black man in jail which leaves one less Black man for you to meet thereby meaning more competition for you which indirectly means you'll have the dry cooch for life. So stop it. If dude isn't your cup of tea, leave it at that.
Besides you probably give bad head anyway.
Take this knowledge and do with it what you may, but learn. And if you know women who are causing their own singleness, then share.
Sharing is caring.Thank you and good night.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Gone....but Never...Forgotten...
A decade...5 years and some change ago
"Come onnnnnnnn Lexy," I shouted to my older cousin, annoyed that she was taking so long to get dressed. "You just trying to look cute for Charlie..." I said under my breath in a jealous tone.
I knew it would be just a matter of minutes before my grandmother started cussing us both out (It always amazed me how that woman could use profanity in a way that I'd never heard it and then go lead the church choir) for taking so long.
"Stop tappin' your foot girl," my grandmother said looking at me disapprovingly and go help your grandaddy get into the car. I immediately sprung to my feet to go help one of my favorite people in the entire world, my grandfather.
(He was a tall man, like scary tall. When he entered a room you could feel his presence...he really was that tall. The base in his voice seemed to match his height, he never had to yell at us, all he had to do is say "stop" and we listened with no hesitation. When he reached his older years he was in a terrible accident that left him unable to walk. However, he never let that stop him, he carried with him an unimaginable faith that everything would always be ok. He still hung out with his friends, participated in sports, attended church every single Sunday, and put on a smile.)
I skipped down the corridor to go help him get into the wheel chair, he beamed at me (I was his youngest grandchild) as I grabbed his small brush and wallet that he always stuck in his pocket. "You ready grandaddy? I said to him with authority. I loved helping him, feeling that in some way I was contributing to making his world ok. He nodded his head as I grabbed the wheel chair that was 2 times my size and way to heavy for me. I didn't care, I managed to open it and help him get in the chair anyway.
"Stop right here" he said when we reached the front yard. "You see that?" he said looking up. I looked up to see a beautiful half rainbow and the sun shining. "That's God"...he said nodding his head..."that's God."
I crawled up in his lap...right there in the middle of the front yard and stared up at the rainbow. "Don't forget babygirl," he said whispering into my ear....God always has the power to show you who God is."
I didn't get it then...but I get it now.
R.I.P. Grandaddy
"Come onnnnnnnn Lexy," I shouted to my older cousin, annoyed that she was taking so long to get dressed. "You just trying to look cute for Charlie..." I said under my breath in a jealous tone.
I knew it would be just a matter of minutes before my grandmother started cussing us both out (It always amazed me how that woman could use profanity in a way that I'd never heard it and then go lead the church choir) for taking so long.
"Stop tappin' your foot girl," my grandmother said looking at me disapprovingly and go help your grandaddy get into the car. I immediately sprung to my feet to go help one of my favorite people in the entire world, my grandfather.
(He was a tall man, like scary tall. When he entered a room you could feel his presence...he really was that tall. The base in his voice seemed to match his height, he never had to yell at us, all he had to do is say "stop" and we listened with no hesitation. When he reached his older years he was in a terrible accident that left him unable to walk. However, he never let that stop him, he carried with him an unimaginable faith that everything would always be ok. He still hung out with his friends, participated in sports, attended church every single Sunday, and put on a smile.)
I skipped down the corridor to go help him get into the wheel chair, he beamed at me (I was his youngest grandchild) as I grabbed his small brush and wallet that he always stuck in his pocket. "You ready grandaddy? I said to him with authority. I loved helping him, feeling that in some way I was contributing to making his world ok. He nodded his head as I grabbed the wheel chair that was 2 times my size and way to heavy for me. I didn't care, I managed to open it and help him get in the chair anyway.
"Stop right here" he said when we reached the front yard. "You see that?" he said looking up. I looked up to see a beautiful half rainbow and the sun shining. "That's God"...he said nodding his head..."that's God."
I crawled up in his lap...right there in the middle of the front yard and stared up at the rainbow. "Don't forget babygirl," he said whispering into my ear....God always has the power to show you who God is."
I didn't get it then...but I get it now.
R.I.P. Grandaddy
Sunday, November 16, 2008
I'm Learning
...just because you love someone doesn't mean it's meant to be
...the people you thought you knew so well...you really don't.
...the real world isn't exactly what I thought it'd be.
...to restore my faith...
...what faith really means...
...take no one for granted
...don't waste your time with minor people
...network...alot
...be grateful
...tell the ones you love ...that you love them...every single day
...don't judge...that's God's job...
...the people you thought you knew so well...you really don't.
...the real world isn't exactly what I thought it'd be.
...to restore my faith...
...what faith really means...
...take no one for granted
...don't waste your time with minor people
...network...alot
...be grateful
...tell the ones you love ...that you love them...every single day
...don't judge...that's God's job...
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Ehhhh
This post has no purpose..I'm just venting.
It's 8:30...and I'm just getting back in the house. Q called to say he was starving and coming over as soon as he was off work and could I please go to his favorite restaurant and pick up his favorite meal.
SIGH.
He knew I was sick when he asked me (although I did kind of down play how well I'm not feeling...he had a bad day...I didn't want to make him feel worse), but he asked anyway. So I got in my car (in the rain) and drove 7 miles (Yes I counted...well my gps did) and picked up the meal. I really just wanted to crawl under the covers and watch Ugly Betty and Grey's and sip some hot tea. But no...I have to be a good girlfriend- (no we're not official ...because I don't want to be..but it sure it does feel like it) and make sure he at least has food to come home to after working a 14 hour day.
And yes...he would do the same thing for me....actually he's done the same thing for me plenty of times. He even brings groceries when he sees my fridge getting empty (which is quite often).
I say all this to say...absolutely nothing...like I said..I just wanted to vent. It made alot more sense in my head.
Ps. I'm so sick..I drove past my place...twice.
It's 8:30...and I'm just getting back in the house. Q called to say he was starving and coming over as soon as he was off work and could I please go to his favorite restaurant and pick up his favorite meal.
SIGH.
He knew I was sick when he asked me (although I did kind of down play how well I'm not feeling...he had a bad day...I didn't want to make him feel worse), but he asked anyway. So I got in my car (in the rain) and drove 7 miles (Yes I counted...well my gps did) and picked up the meal. I really just wanted to crawl under the covers and watch Ugly Betty and Grey's and sip some hot tea. But no...I have to be a good girlfriend- (no we're not official ...because I don't want to be..but it sure it does feel like it) and make sure he at least has food to come home to after working a 14 hour day.
And yes...he would do the same thing for me....actually he's done the same thing for me plenty of times. He even brings groceries when he sees my fridge getting empty (which is quite often).
I say all this to say...absolutely nothing...like I said..I just wanted to vent. It made alot more sense in my head.
Ps. I'm so sick..I drove past my place...twice.
The One
::I really can't stand it when my male friends are right about things. It makes me feel...defeated::
"That's what's wrong with you females, you always think you're the one", my friend said to me in an intense phone conversation. ( he was ranting because I told him he's a heart breaker...which he is...) "I never make promises to any woman...I'm just doing me, and when I find the one I find her. Females always think that they are the one for every dude. Now it's ok for the woman to go out and date different guys, but if we do it we're dogs...heart breakers...whatever. That's not fair."
Although I wanted so badly to tell him how wrong he was, I couldn't because I was guilty of the " I'm the one for him and if he's not with me he's missing out on the best thing since life" syndrome. Now that I think about the majority of my female friends are as well (you are too..don't look at the screen like that).
We somehow have embarked upon this insane confidence as women that if a guy decides he doesn't want to be with us...stay committed to us...then he's the crazy one.
"It's his lost..." we tell ourselves..."I was the BEST thing that ever happened to him."
:: Wait a second::
Were you really the best thing that ever happened to him? Seriously....? Probably not.
It's a double standard, we like to keep the guy around who in most cases isn't treating us right, but we're just keeping him until we find something better. Now how and why is this fair? In actuality ladies, we get on men for doing the exact same things that we are guilty of...
Tell me if I'm wrong...but I doubt it.
"That's what's wrong with you females, you always think you're the one", my friend said to me in an intense phone conversation. ( he was ranting because I told him he's a heart breaker...which he is...) "I never make promises to any woman...I'm just doing me, and when I find the one I find her. Females always think that they are the one for every dude. Now it's ok for the woman to go out and date different guys, but if we do it we're dogs...heart breakers...whatever. That's not fair."
Although I wanted so badly to tell him how wrong he was, I couldn't because I was guilty of the " I'm the one for him and if he's not with me he's missing out on the best thing since life" syndrome. Now that I think about the majority of my female friends are as well (you are too..don't look at the screen like that).
We somehow have embarked upon this insane confidence as women that if a guy decides he doesn't want to be with us...stay committed to us...then he's the crazy one.
"It's his lost..." we tell ourselves..."I was the BEST thing that ever happened to him."
:: Wait a second::
Were you really the best thing that ever happened to him? Seriously....? Probably not.
It's a double standard, we like to keep the guy around who in most cases isn't treating us right, but we're just keeping him until we find something better. Now how and why is this fair? In actuality ladies, we get on men for doing the exact same things that we are guilty of...
Tell me if I'm wrong...but I doubt it.
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Loyalty...Whatever the Hell That Means
Confession:I think every woman ( ok not every), but most do dream of their Cinderella story. Some women just want to be that perfect wife. You know the one that supports her husband in all of his endeavors, attends every PTA meeting, soccer game, ballet recital, and cooks three meals a day for her family. On the other hand some women want to have their career and family, with alot of help in between. Then there's that woman who wants to do it all (i.e. me). Yes, I want it all and I'm not ashamed to say it. I want to be that great wife (cue Superwoman song and Michelle Obama here) the one who stands beside her husband. I want to head every board meeting, sit in every PTA meeting, run my own company..and and and and ....do it all...or so I thought....
While most people rest on weekends (except me it seems), I dragged myself out of bed early Saturday morning to attend Essence's "Young Women Leadership Conference." I was excited to be amongst ambitious women who were going places with dreams, goals, and an infinity of possibilities. I knew I'd bump into people whose faces were familiar (and I did) and would learn alot from the variety of panelist. I did...it was a great day...
......
8 hours later I found myself at one of mentor's homes. A woman I have looked up to for a long time (and still do) hosted a small get together with close friends. It was one of those gatherings where you can't help but smile. I felt like I was in one of those movies where they flash 5 years later across the screen. Had it really been 5 years ago that we planned one of the biggest conferences for black youth in the country, traveled from coast to coast, and had way to many sleepless nights in hotels and celebrity homes. These women had opened my eyes to a whole new world at a very young age, they'd given me opportunities that most would only dream of, and for that I am forever grateful.
I admire their abitlity to really do what I hope someday to achieve..."have it all" ...the kids...the career...the husband...the success...and most importantly the happiness (well at least it appeared that way to me).
My boy and I (just a friend) stood closely to each other lost in our embrace whispering and laughing about absolutely nothing. Out of no where, someone in the room brought up a famous politician who is currently involved in a deep scandal and the discussion of loyalty (whatever the hell that means these days) came up.
Me: Did you see the footage of his wife sitting there with him in court as he was getting sentenced...she was laughing...holding his hand...rubbing his head. I'm loyal..but damn...I don't know if I could do that after what he did.
My Boy: You would have been there....holding his hand and rubbing his head too. You would have forgiven him just like 90% of most women (men take us for granted, but that's another blog for another day).
Me: Whattttttttttttttttt! Hell no...I would not! Not like that...
One of my Mentors: (I just knew she'd come to the defense of all women- kind and say something brilliant, something great, something that would be written in the books. Ok ..not that deep but you know what I mean.) Instead she said....
"You know what, once you're married, and you have kids...and homes..and taxes..accounts..cars..wills......cheating is not the worse thing you can do."
Me: (my mouth just dropped..I said nothing)
My boy smiled with an i told you so look on his face, while I just stood there in shock. Before she had gotten married she would have never said anything like that. She would have slapped him...left him...chopped and screwed him (you get my drift).
Me: Wait, so if he cheats..it's ok. You just forgive him...just like that?
Mentor: No, I never said it's ok. I just said it's not the worse thing he can do...(she scooped up her baby girl in her arms and went back downstairs to her family).
................................
Later that night I cuddled up to Q (yes he's still around...stop smiling) and told him what my mentor said. His response....
: I just think it depends on the type of person you are. In my opinion cheating is breaking vows...it is possible to get over it and move on...but then again you shouldn't be breaking vows anyway right?:
Right, I said...confused by the complete circle that he had just talked in. I wasn't completely satisfied with his answer, but I fell asleep in his arms anyway.
While most people rest on weekends (except me it seems), I dragged myself out of bed early Saturday morning to attend Essence's "Young Women Leadership Conference." I was excited to be amongst ambitious women who were going places with dreams, goals, and an infinity of possibilities. I knew I'd bump into people whose faces were familiar (and I did) and would learn alot from the variety of panelist. I did...it was a great day...
......
8 hours later I found myself at one of mentor's homes. A woman I have looked up to for a long time (and still do) hosted a small get together with close friends. It was one of those gatherings where you can't help but smile. I felt like I was in one of those movies where they flash 5 years later across the screen. Had it really been 5 years ago that we planned one of the biggest conferences for black youth in the country, traveled from coast to coast, and had way to many sleepless nights in hotels and celebrity homes. These women had opened my eyes to a whole new world at a very young age, they'd given me opportunities that most would only dream of, and for that I am forever grateful.
I admire their abitlity to really do what I hope someday to achieve..."have it all" ...the kids...the career...the husband...the success...and most importantly the happiness (well at least it appeared that way to me).
My boy and I (just a friend) stood closely to each other lost in our embrace whispering and laughing about absolutely nothing. Out of no where, someone in the room brought up a famous politician who is currently involved in a deep scandal and the discussion of loyalty (whatever the hell that means these days) came up.
Me: Did you see the footage of his wife sitting there with him in court as he was getting sentenced...she was laughing...holding his hand...rubbing his head. I'm loyal..but damn...I don't know if I could do that after what he did.
My Boy: You would have been there....holding his hand and rubbing his head too. You would have forgiven him just like 90% of most women (men take us for granted, but that's another blog for another day).
Me: Whattttttttttttttttt! Hell no...I would not! Not like that...
One of my Mentors: (I just knew she'd come to the defense of all women- kind and say something brilliant, something great, something that would be written in the books. Ok ..not that deep but you know what I mean.) Instead she said....
"You know what, once you're married, and you have kids...and homes..and taxes..accounts..cars..wills......cheating is not the worse thing you can do."
Me: (my mouth just dropped..I said nothing)
My boy smiled with an i told you so look on his face, while I just stood there in shock. Before she had gotten married she would have never said anything like that. She would have slapped him...left him...chopped and screwed him (you get my drift).
Me: Wait, so if he cheats..it's ok. You just forgive him...just like that?
Mentor: No, I never said it's ok. I just said it's not the worse thing he can do...(she scooped up her baby girl in her arms and went back downstairs to her family).
................................
Later that night I cuddled up to Q (yes he's still around...stop smiling) and told him what my mentor said. His response....
: I just think it depends on the type of person you are. In my opinion cheating is breaking vows...it is possible to get over it and move on...but then again you shouldn't be breaking vows anyway right?:
Right, I said...confused by the complete circle that he had just talked in. I wasn't completely satisfied with his answer, but I fell asleep in his arms anyway.
The Scapegoat
A mixture of emotion
I want to walk away
but I can't-
I packed all of your stuff last week
Wanted to give it to you when I
came over...but I left it at home
on purpose.
What is it about you that I can't
seem to walk away from. My friend
asked me what it is you brought to my
life...why are you in my circle.
I couldn't think of one simple answer.
Maybe it's because I'm scared...scared
of what life will really be like without you
in it. I'll have no more excuses, no one to
blame all my problems on. I'll just be
standing there...staring in the mirror...
looking at me...and that scares...me.
For as long as I remember you've always
been there. You've comforted me with your
harsh words. In many ways it's like I'm inflicting
pain on myself.
You tell me over and over again that it will change,
that you will change, but you never do. Even today
I set myself up...I knew you'd say no..but I invited you
anyway.
I invite you in to a door that should have been closed a long
time ago. I don't want to settle...I refuse to settle. I keep
saying I wish we could go back...when the truth is I
really wish I could go forward. Everytime I take one
step..there's something holding me back. I try..I try..
and just when I'm about to jump...you swoop in and stop
me.
Why why why won't you let me jump?
The saddest part about it all...is that I'm doing it to myself.
I want to walk away
but I can't-
I packed all of your stuff last week
Wanted to give it to you when I
came over...but I left it at home
on purpose.
What is it about you that I can't
seem to walk away from. My friend
asked me what it is you brought to my
life...why are you in my circle.
I couldn't think of one simple answer.
Maybe it's because I'm scared...scared
of what life will really be like without you
in it. I'll have no more excuses, no one to
blame all my problems on. I'll just be
standing there...staring in the mirror...
looking at me...and that scares...me.
For as long as I remember you've always
been there. You've comforted me with your
harsh words. In many ways it's like I'm inflicting
pain on myself.
You tell me over and over again that it will change,
that you will change, but you never do. Even today
I set myself up...I knew you'd say no..but I invited you
anyway.
I invite you in to a door that should have been closed a long
time ago. I don't want to settle...I refuse to settle. I keep
saying I wish we could go back...when the truth is I
really wish I could go forward. Everytime I take one
step..there's something holding me back. I try..I try..
and just when I'm about to jump...you swoop in and stop
me.
Why why why won't you let me jump?
The saddest part about it all...is that I'm doing it to myself.
I'm still in Shock
I wish I could put into words how I felt the moment they announced (President-Elect) Barack Obama the winner of the candidacy for President. I threw my fist into the air, jumped up and down, thanked God, hugged my best friend, and looked at the big screen repeatedly just to make sure it was real. I can't believe that this happened in my lifetime...
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