Scary Times? UBOAST!

Ok, I'm taking a break from my personal stories (just for a sec) to inform you about Something New...UBOAST!

It seems like everytime I turn on the television, another pundit or anchor is talking about how the economy is being run into the ground. Nearly every week I have friends who are being laid off and it seems like job security is completely out of the question.


If you're not sure about your future at your job or you're looking for a new one, I highly suggest that you log on to Uboast.com

The best thing about this site is that it allows you to upload video resumes, profiles, and documents all for FREE. It doesn't get any better than that, especially during a recession. They also have thousands of job openings for a variety of fields.


I'm submitting my resume..and you should too:)

Random Thoughts...

1. I love it when John Legend says; "Do I have a girlfriend...technically no..."
2. Maybe I have issues for loving that quote way to much.
3. I used to know exactly what I wanted out of life...now I have no idea.
4. Andre 3000 has serious swagger
5. I wonder what my future husband is doing at this very moment (whoever he is and if he even exsist).
6. I miss the advice she used to give me.
7. I don't like it when people try to come in between my friendships.
8. Jealously is a sin..isn't it?
9. I need to work on my emotions.
10. Cutting people out of your life can be a good thing.
11. Sometimes I wish I could snap my fingers and go back to the Summer 2003 or Fall 2005..those were the days.
12. If only I knew then what I know now.
13. I had so much energy in undergrad...what happened?
14. I'll never understand T.I. and Tiny, J.D. and Janet, or Nick and Mariah..then again maybe I'm not supposed too.
15. Q-Tip is getting old...but damn he still has swagger.
16. I honestly believe that all Libra's and Cancer's are the same..no really.
17. I'm a work in progress...stand by...

Over-Whelmed

but hey I'm not complaining:)

Almost doesn't Count...Right?

Confession: I'm the type of girl whose never single...even when I try to be. (Yes, I know that means I'm not trying very hard) I don't mean never single as in always has an "official" boyfriend/manfriend..but always single as in never alone. There is always someone there..I'm always "talking" to someone "dating" somone...it's been that way since..well since I can remember.


...

It was one of those perfect Saturday mornings. You know the type when you have absolutely no plans, it's kind of chilly outside, and your s.o. (significant other) is right next to you with no plans of going anywhere. You can lie in the bed all day, watch movies, cuddle, have sex a 100 times (ok I'm getting a little carried away), but hey you get my drift. Well this was our Saturday, the first one in a long time where neither of us had a million things to do. We slept in and I even got up and made (burned) breakfast....it was great.


I was so happy in that moment...there were no titles, no confusion, no tears, just the way I liked it. It was just us and that's all I need(ed).


After breakfast I quickly washed the dishes so I could hop right back in bed to cuddle and watch Coming to America (one of my fav's) with Q...


Me: hey (cuddling up to him) press play what you waiting for..
Q: Funny question...(laughing)
Me: What?
Q: I'm waiting on you...I've been waiting on you for a long time now. Were you ever going to get back to me about why you didn't want to meet my fam?

:: silence::

Me: Q I told you..I'm just not ready for all that. It makes things so ..idk
Q: Official? Ok and what's wrong with that? We basically are anyway...
Me: Yea, exactly so why complicate it with titles..damn. It's like we keep having this same convo over and over again.
Q: I just need to know....that.....::pause::
Me: You need to know what?!?
Q: That you're not dating anyone else....that it's just me
Me: Wouldn't that make us exclusive?
Q: Almost...
Me: Q I promise you that I'm not dating anyone else...you're the only one.


Although it was true...I still kept my fingers crossed behind my back.


Almost does count...doesn't it?

No One in the WORLD has Swagger like him...:)

Have a great weekend!

Go on and Hate

The Run In (Part 4)

The clock read 4:02 a.m. and I couldn't sleep. All I could do was think about my ex and how I had really come to the point where I finally got it...us...what used to be and what could never be again. (but hey that's another blog..for another day)

I nodded off (finally for 27 minutes) and before I knew it my alarm was going off. My eyes were pink from not sleeping, my hair was matted, and I looked completely awful. Going to work just didn't seem logical, but I went anyway.

.....at 1 p.m. Q's named appeared on my caller i.d...I debated answering because I was still upset that he had driven off (twice).

I answered...

Him: hey..
Me: hey
Him:...are you busy..I'm by your office..I wanted to see if we could talk.
Me: Yea..I'll be down in 5 minutes.

...As I walked toward the elevator I said a silent prayer that this wasn't our "break up" talk...(altho we're not together officially..but u know what I mean)


I slid into the familiar leather seats and found it very hard to look at him (why is it when you're mad at your man they look sooooo good or does that just happen to me?)

Anyway...


Him: Look...first of all I just want to apologize to you for...everything. I shouldn't have acted the way I did at the movies and last night when I stopped by your spot. I'm not gonna front tho..that dude shouldn't have been at your place like that and I hope you can understand why.

Me: You're right he shouldn't have been there and it won't happen again. I do need to know tho Q...what's going on with you and your ex. Please don't have me thinking your over her if you're not. Be honest I can take it.

Him: I will always have love for her. That will never change. Just like if I left you alone right now and walked away...that doesn't mean I just stop caring about you. That's not how it works. We had a bad break up..like I said before we hurt each other. I'm not gonna lie she did stomp on my heart..and seeing her with that dude was a shock. Imagine if you hadn't seen your ex in a long ass time and then just bump into him like that. It brought back alot of bad memories...if anything I was just in shock. Believe me when I tell you I am done with her..I've moved past it and she has too.

Me: Ok, I believe you (I had no more strength to argue with him...I decided to leap out on faith and actually trust him)


::we just sat there in his warm car, holding hands, with the music playing softly. I put my head on his shoulder and finally fell sleep::

I had a really...really...really long lunch break.


ps. I know there is still something he's not telling me...but what's done in the dark comes out in the light. Right?

Right...

The Run In Part 3

.....


Me: my ex...he's here. he needed to talk and I umm

::Q walks away before I can even finish explaining::


I close the door behind me walking (not running towards him...trying to get his attention


We're in the middle of my apartment parking lot (mind you it's like 2 in the morning).


Q: What the hell is wrong with you?!? You let this n***a over your house in the middle of the night. Really?? I thought you were better than that.

Me: First of all, lower your voice, and please don't use that tone talking to me. I didn't invite him over..he just showed up

Q: Wow, so he feels like he can just show up to your apartment in the middle of the night? Are you still messing with this dude?!?

::silence::

Me: No..it's really not like that. He's just been in my life for a very very long time. We're still friends. He needed a friend..what was I supposed to do..leave him outside??

Q: YES!! Hell or go outside and talk to him. WTH that dude was really in your bedroom in the middle of the night and you want me to believe that nothing is going on?? What if you came over my house and found my ex there in the middle of the night?

Me: I wouldn't be surprised.

Q: What!?

Me: You're clearly not over your ex, I saw it by the way you were looking at her today, by the way you dropped my hand. You're not over her.

Q: You have absolutely no idea what you're talking about. First of all..I was in shock. I haven't seen her in over a year. Will I always care about and have love for her? Of course. That doesn't mean that I'm still "in" love with her and I want to be with her all that ish. We broke up for a number of reasons...we hurt each other. Trust me when I say I don't want to go backwards...I'm trying to move forward...with you...but it seems like you're still living in the past.

Me: Q my ex being here is not what you think...I can see it in your eyes you don't believe me.

Q: You're right.. I don't. Look I gotta go, it's late. Guess we'll talk later.


::Getting in his car::

Me: You Guess?

Q: Yea..I guess.


He drove away...again.


I went back in my apartment pissed. Asked my ex to please leave. He wanted to stay. I said NO..three times. He finally left...


and I realized at that moment....that I was finally over him.

The Run In Part 2

I'm a loyal person...an extremely loyal person. Once you're inside of my circle I have your back until the end of time. I know no one is perfect so I tend to give people chances...but at some point you have to cut off someone who keeps doing you wrong...right? Right. (wrong- in my case anyway).



I watched in shock as he sped off down the street. I stood there until I couldn't see his car anymore. After 5 minutes I finally went into my apartment slammed the door shut and plopped down on the couch. I just sat there staring at my phone because I knew he would call...any second now.


An hour passed and still no call...then another hour...and another hour. It was getting pretty late and I had work in the morning, so I started getting ready for bed, and then finally my phone rang. I picked it up without even glancing at the caller i.d. because I just knew it was him, but to my surprise it wasn't.


I heard my ex's voice on the other end of the phone and my heart dropped.

Him: I'm outside
Me: What do you mean you're outside?!?
Him: of you're apartment..can I come in?

::silence::

sigh...

Me: Yes..come in, but you can't spend the night.
Him: Ok

For some reason, I decided to turn my phone on silent, I don't know why I just did. I guess it didn't matter since Q wasn't calling me anyway.


2 minutes later my ex knocked at my door. I opened the door to find him looking depressed, he hadn't shaved and he needed a hair cut bad. His eyes were kind of glazed over like he had been crying...so I let him in because I knew he needed a friend. He didn't say a word, just walked down the hallway to my bed room and sat on the bed. I sat on the chair (since I didn't want him to get the wrong idea).

Me: So what's going on
Him: I'm just so unhappy..things...life..it isn't suppose to be this way man. Like how did I let myself get here.
Me: ....well when life gives you lemons make lemonade (I really didn't know what to say. This was a man that I used to love more than anything. he's my friend, but I guess apart of me is still bitter (well was).
Him: ::staring at me:: What's wrong with you...seems like your mind is somewhere else right now...
Me: No, I'm listening..tell me what's really wrong.


He went on and on for the next hour and I did my best to listen, but I honestly have no idea what he said. All I could think about is why hadn't Q called me by now. Reality snapped me out of day dreaming when I heard a knock at the door.

Him: Sweetheart, who the hell is knocking on your door at 1 a.m.
Me: I have no idea (i was scared...all sorts of things were running thru my mind).
Him: Let me answer it!
Me: No...stay right here...

I walked to the door with my iron in hand (it was my weapon). I peered thru the peep hole and almost had a heart attack when I saw Q standing there. I swung the door open looking at him like he had lost his mind.

Q: Why weren't you answering your phone, I must have called you 20 times!
Me: No you didn't..you ..couldn't have...

I realized I had turned it on silent hours ago.

Me: Oh wait..it's on silent..I'm sorry.
Q: Well can I come in?

The Ex: SweetHeart are you ok?!? (screaming from my bed room)
Q: Who is that?

::eternal silence::

Me: My ex.

The Run In Pt. 1

Sorry I've been M.I.A. ...sometimes life just steps in the way. I'm tired, stressed out, and mentally exhausted. Its occurred to me that I haven't taken a vacation and I mean a real vacation in a good two years. So I'm all wound up....and adding more fuel to the fire is the last thing I need(ed).



Almost a month ago

"Babbbbby come onnnnnnnn" I said to Q staring at him with big brown innocent eyes. "I want you to see the movie."


Him: I don't understand why you want to go see a movie you've already seen!

Me: Because it was so good I want to see it again and I think you should see it, I promise you it's his best film yet.

Q shook his head. Got up. Grabbed his keys.

Him: Let's Go.

I smiled, grabbed my purse, and pulled him down to give him a big kiss. (he's taller than me...as is everyone).

It only took us a second to get to the movies since it's located right down the street and Q tends to "fly" instead of actually driving.

There were a million people outside which was kind of confusing since school was back in and it was a week night. I shrugged it off as Q paid for the tix and we strolled in hand in hand. As we were walking to the concession stand he dropped my hand and looked as if he'd seen a ghost. I looked across the room to see what he was staring at and my eyes landed on a petite, light skinned woman.

She was absolutely gorgeous with short brown and blond hair, hazel eyes, and a lean body (she was like a shorter version of Rihanna). Her and Q continued staring at each other until a man came up behind the woman and kissed her on her cheek. She whispered something to him and he went into the movie theater. With that she started walking towards us. Q still had not said a word to me...he just stood there looking like a lost puppy.

All of a sudden as he realized she was walking over to us, he grabbed my hand again, and pulled me closer. I let him...although I wanted to drop his hand and tell him to kick rocks at that point, but it seemed like he was holding on for dear life, so I let him.

Her: Hi Q, it's good to see you. (she gave him a hug while saying this)

Q: Good to see you too...what uh..what are you doing here?

Her: My boyfriend actually lives in Columbia..so I'm here often.

Q: Funny. My girl (looking at me) lives in Columbia too.

[I did my best not to reach up and slap him.]

Q: Sorry, this is Sweetheart, Sweetheart this is Karima.

Her: Nice to meet you.

Me: You too...(I'm sure she could tell I was pissed)

Her: Q, we'll talk later. Sweetheart enjoy your date.


She walked away. Although I wanted to run behind her and snatch those contacts out her eyes...I just stood there staring at Q....pissed.

Since, I couldn't stand to look at him, I knew I wouldn't be able to sit in a movie theater with him for two hours, so I told him to take me home. We were both silent until we reached my apartment, I was waiting for him to confirm what I already knew.

Me: Who was that woman.

Q: My ex fiance

I nodded, got out the car and went into my apartment. However, this time Q didn't come after me...

He drove away.

Just One of Those Days...

Don't judge the video so much..just listen to the words.

The Seasons Will Change

It's funny how you think you have it all figured out until God really shows you who God is. Forever ago [well it seems like it now] a certain group of people really hurt me in the worse way possible. They lied on my name, my character, and tried their best to destroy me, but it didn't work. I was so devastated that I would cry myself to sleep at night wondering why they were doing this and what possible lesson God was trying to teach me.


My heart ached everytime I replayed the entire situation in my head. The people who I had thought were my friends had been rooting for me to fail. It was a different type of a heart break, one that I will never find the words to explain. The pain was so deep that I knew it would be impossible for me to get over. However, everytime I began to get down, God would scoop me right back up. Impossible to God is nothing.


2 years ago...almost to this exact date...

My eyes were burning from crying the night before. One of my best friends from college was explaining everything to me that was happening while I was out of town. "They're at it again girl, now they've taken it to the Internet..this is unbelievable." I sighed heavily, pulled over into an empty parking lot and put my head against the wheel. I had done absolutely nothing wrong, but disagreed with them on one thing and refused to do it, now they were trying to turn the world against me.


The other line beeped and it was an LA number..."Hi sweetheart, this is so and so from xxxxx magazine and we want to feature..." I smiled...wiped my tears and drove home. The next day I got a call from an incredible executive producer whom I admired (still do) and was told that he'd like me to come study under him for the remainder of my senior year at a huge network. At that moment I looked up to God and let it go. What else could I do? Cry? Worry? or just step out on faith.


Well I chose faith.


Although I was hurt, I knew that God would take care, and that in the end I would prevail. They did their best to break me, but faith and amazing friends held me together. I wouldn't have had it any different, because if I did I wouldn't have been able to get the lesson and move on.


....


I woke up this morning to find the sincerest letter of apology waiting for me in my inbox. The letter was from the ring leader of the group that hurt me so bad. I'm not going to spell out exactly what it said...or even why the person apologized all this time later.


However, I will say that when you step out on faith, ANYTHING is possible...even forgiveness.


See the seasons do change:)



-SweetHeart