I slammed Q's car door and started walking to my apartment. I took a moment, sighed heavily, realized I was being extremely immature and went back to apologize. "I'm sorry," I said. "Yea, me to" he said looking at me while smiling. We kissed good night and I climbed back out to head to my apartment. I threw my bag down, kicked off my shoes, and laid lazily across my living room couch. My mind started to drift back to everything that had happened in just 4 short hours.
It had started off as a wonderful day, my boss was so happy with my project at work, that he gave me another more challenging project that I really wanted to work on. Not even 5 minutes later Q text me that he was taking me out right after work and there were "no, ifs, ands, or buts about it." The end of the day came before I knew it and Q was parked right outside of my building promptly at 6 p.m.
He drove us to my [new] favorite seafood place downtown by the water. I couldn't help but be giddy since I had just told him last week how much I had missed good seafood since being away from home. We were having such a good time, until the check came that is.
Now fellas and ladies, hear me out. For the past 3 months, this man has been taking me out every week and spending God knows how much money on food, fun, and entertainment. So me, being the [independent] woman I am, take the check from the waiter when he comes to the table with it. Q looks at me baffled and tries to grab it from me.
Me: Babe, I got this..let me take care of it [altho the check was well over $100-ouch]
Him: No, please Sweetheart just give me the check
Me: Ok, Q what's the big deal? You're always paying for dinner why can't I pay?
Him: Because that's not your place...
Me: My place? What the hell does that mean?
Him: Look I was raised that a woman shouldn't be paying for anything, that's a man's position.
Me: Wow [shaking my head]
The waiter comes back and I practically throw my gold card at him. Q then gets up and starts walking out of the restaurant. I cannot believe how upset he's getting because I paid for dinner, for once. Ugh..MEN.
We argue the entire way back to my place. Apparently he grew up with a stay at home mom who never worked and his father had always taken care of everything. In fact he said he would prefer it if his wife didn't work either.
Me: Well I guess I won't be your wife then.
Him: I guess not.
By this time we're driving up to my apartment and I'm pissed...so is he.
The noise of my phone buzzing brings me back to reality, it's a text from Q.
"I'm sorry, I was wrong for what I said. I just want to take care of you."
I didn't even know what to say or how to say it. I didn't want to crush his feelings, but uh a man taking "care" of me? No thank you. Besides, I already have a daddy.
I powered my phone off and went to sleep.
12 comments:
You supposed to let a man be a man shorty. He knows you can do everything on your own already, but him buying you dinner is something he wants to do...so let him.
I agree with Mike!
Girl you just have to let a man be a man!
Don't listen to these cats Mia fuck that let a man be a man social construction nonsense. A nigga that wants his wife not to work is a lame, insecure type dude cuz he feels like inadequate if he's not being the "man."
No wonder he don't date women his age, he is probably too intimidated by them.
"i heard somebody say chuuuuch i'ma need a suit"
- JP
Your place? Oh hell NO!
First off... LMFAO @ JP and the 'extra' Wayne lyric...
A woman that stays at home while a man works still contributes an equal amount to the marriage, even if it isn't monetary. With that said, money IS power, and it may lead the man to feel he can dominate the woman in other ways... But, honey, dinner IS dinner! Pick your fights wisely, because we may miss out on the benefits of a person if we harp on the little things. Let it go...
I already foresee a vicious rebuttal from the NY lawyer in training...
Your place? Wow..caveman syndrome!
Haha, you know it mama. You also know once I start typing chances are its gonna be LONG. sorry yall.
FIRST OF ALL. Mi madre, my angel on earth, the one and only Kathleen Roc-Kernisan...stayed at home for the first 14 years of my incredible life. So I would never ever short-change the value a woman has staying at home since the greatest woman on this earth did so, and I benefited from it greatly.
I'm not even saying its about money. The dude can make more money than you and you still working. I think the idea that you don't want your "woman" working is a hangover from a time where there were a lot of other assumptions about what a woman's place was, and I disagree with 97% of them.
I agree that paying for dinner is not a big deal, but you have to be careful with how dude had such a silly/strong reaction to it, and get to know what else this guy thinks is a woman's place.
End of the day, grown men don't get up and storm out of a restaurant b/c some chick they have been paying for the past however many months offers to pay once. If anything as a grown man I'ma think more highly of the shorty for it, because its ridiculous to think you always have to pay for everything for someone.
I'll put it like this. Would any of yall out there want your sister or close friend dating, or marrying some man who thought it "wasn't her place" to do anything??! I sure wouldn't. As the beautiful teenage mothers around my way like to say...NO BUENO.
And yes Erika, seemingly random, "extra", and unsolicited rap quotes are really a cornerstone of my persona. It's best if you just embrace it.
Y'all have ruined my academic life for the day. Thank you.
"Not saying I'm the best but 'til you find something better, I am here, no fear, write me a letter."
I knew that was coming. I should def let that go...Exhale..
I just think that dude has different cultural values; values that are not necessarily 'bad.' If you said yourself that you benefited from your mother being at home, why is it such a negative thing that this man desires his family to work in a similar way?
While we all have opinions, I don't think you need to cast judgement on 'that' type of relationship (one in which both parties are completely content with the wife staying at home, and the man working). I think you demean women who are completely satisfied with this status, and who accept this role because of their values and an agreement with their husbands, not because of societal constraints. I know very intelligent, 'enlightened,' women who would prefer to stay at home and accept the role of a homemaker, while their hubby works.. This is seemingly a now 'non'- conventional division of family tasks...
At the heart of our discussion, I think you refer to a time when women were implicitly denied the opportunity to be more than a housewife. Now, however, that women have a 'choice' between the path of working and that of staying at home, don't you think that both roles are equally empowering?
If you are lending advice to Mia, absolutely, you are correct. Mia's attitude, ambition, and goals do not fit well with this man's 'old-school' behavior. But..since you mention my sister and my close friend.. who is to say they wouldn't be completely content with being 'taken care of' in this manner, or even... dare I venture to say they consider it their 'place' to be pampered like this?
Sure, always question his motives... question everything. But don't dwell... if the dude doesn't fit you well, just LEAVE ...quietly... without any commentary on how other women (unlike you) should choose and/or accept their roles.
Bring it to me JP. My day is already shot..
Haha...cmon man..Bring it to me? Everything you said makes sense and I have no problem with it. But that wasn't what I was talking about, or at least not what I meant to.
A man or woman can feel however they want, and can hope for and expect whatever they choose in their life. After all, it is their life, not mine.
However, any woman who will let a man tell them what he thinks their "place" is and be ok with it, is not the type of woman that I can love and respect.
My mother has been working full time since I was prolly 13 or 14. She stayed at home when I was younger b/c SHE wanted to. But if my father ever came out his mouth and said it was her place to be at home, it would be a problem. And I prolly never woulda been born being that I was the last child.
It's one thing to have old school values. It's another to internalize the origin of those old school values, to the point where you even think you can utter a phrase like "thats not your place" out of your mouth and it's ok. Its not ok to think that you know what a woman's place is. THAT is degrading to women, b/c you are not even taking into account the broad spectrum of women in the world ranging from the soccer moms to the Oprah's.
As a woman, or man...you not wanting to work is your own decision and I would never hate on someone's personal decision. But I am not coming from a position of ignorance here I know MANY dudes who feel this way about females roles, and honestly...even though these guys are my boys I would not feel comfortable with them being with females I cared about.
If nobody sees a problem with the way this dude came at Mia, then I don't know what to say except I guess I'm preaching to the wrong crowd.
It was written.
And (I think) it made sense.
Umm...who's Mia? Just kidding. I agree with Erika. Q may just have different cultural values and societal rules, or maybe AMS, Alpha Male Syndrome. Either way his comment was offensive and behavior in the restaurant was drastic for the situation. Its not a leave him and forget him situation, but more like deeper glimpse into his personality traits. Mia has always been "Miss Independent" as Neyo croons
'Cause she work like a boss
Play like a boss
Car and the crib she 'bout to pay 'em both off
And bills are payed on time, yeah
She made for a boss
Slowly a boss
Anything less she telling them to get lost
That's the girl that's on my mind
I reckon Q will realize that Sweetheart is used to being independent and her gesture was not intended to emasculate him in any way.
i just wanted to comment
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