Loyalty...Whatever the Hell That Means

Confession:I think every woman ( ok not every), but most do dream of their Cinderella story. Some women just want to be that perfect wife. You know the one that supports her husband in all of his endeavors, attends every PTA meeting, soccer game, ballet recital, and cooks three meals a day for her family. On the other hand some women want to have their career and family, with alot of help in between. Then there's that woman who wants to do it all (i.e. me). Yes, I want it all and I'm not ashamed to say it. I want to be that great wife (cue Superwoman song and Michelle Obama here) the one who stands beside her husband. I want to head every board meeting, sit in every PTA meeting, run my own company..and and and and ....do it all...or so I thought....


While most people rest on weekends (except me it seems), I dragged myself out of bed early Saturday morning to attend Essence's "Young Women Leadership Conference." I was excited to be amongst ambitious women who were going places with dreams, goals, and an infinity of possibilities. I knew I'd bump into people whose faces were familiar (and I did) and would learn alot from the variety of panelist. I did...it was a great day...
......


8 hours later I found myself at one of mentor's homes. A woman I have looked up to for a long time (and still do) hosted a small get together with close friends. It was one of those gatherings where you can't help but smile. I felt like I was in one of those movies where they flash 5 years later across the screen. Had it really been 5 years ago that we planned one of the biggest conferences for black youth in the country, traveled from coast to coast, and had way to many sleepless nights in hotels and celebrity homes. These women had opened my eyes to a whole new world at a very young age, they'd given me opportunities that most would only dream of, and for that I am forever grateful.

I admire their abitlity to really do what I hope someday to achieve..."have it all" ...the kids...the career...the husband...the success...and most importantly the happiness (well at least it appeared that way to me).


My boy and I (just a friend) stood closely to each other lost in our embrace whispering and laughing about absolutely nothing. Out of no where, someone in the room brought up a famous politician who is currently involved in a deep scandal and the discussion of loyalty (whatever the hell that means these days) came up.


Me: Did you see the footage of his wife sitting there with him in court as he was getting sentenced...she was laughing...holding his hand...rubbing his head. I'm loyal..but damn...I don't know if I could do that after what he did.

My Boy: You would have been there....holding his hand and rubbing his head too. You would have forgiven him just like 90% of most women (men take us for granted, but that's another blog for another day).

Me: Whattttttttttttttttt! Hell no...I would not! Not like that...

One of my Mentors: (I just knew she'd come to the defense of all women- kind and say something brilliant, something great, something that would be written in the books. Ok ..not that deep but you know what I mean.) Instead she said....

"You know what, once you're married, and you have kids...and homes..and taxes..accounts..cars..wills......cheating is not the worse thing you can do."

Me: (my mouth just dropped..I said nothing)

My boy smiled with an i told you so look on his face, while I just stood there in shock. Before she had gotten married she would have never said anything like that. She would have slapped him...left him...chopped and screwed him (you get my drift).


Me: Wait, so if he cheats..it's ok. You just forgive him...just like that?

Mentor: No, I never said it's ok. I just said it's not the worse thing he can do...(she scooped up her baby girl in her arms and went back downstairs to her family).


................................

Later that night I cuddled up to Q (yes he's still around...stop smiling) and told him what my mentor said. His response....

: I just think it depends on the type of person you are. In my opinion cheating is breaking vows...it is possible to get over it and move on...but then again you shouldn't be breaking vows anyway right?:

Right, I said...confused by the complete circle that he had just talked in. I wasn't completely satisfied with his answer, but I fell asleep in his arms anyway.