The Scapegoat

A mixture of emotion
I want to walk away
but I can't-

I packed all of your stuff last week
Wanted to give it to you when I
came over...but I left it at home
on purpose.

What is it about you that I can't
seem to walk away from. My friend
asked me what it is you brought to my
life...why are you in my circle.

I couldn't think of one simple answer.

Maybe it's because I'm scared...scared
of what life will really be like without you
in it. I'll have no more excuses, no one to
blame all my problems on. I'll just be
standing there...staring in the mirror...
looking at me...and that scares...me.

For as long as I remember you've always
been there. You've comforted me with your
harsh words. In many ways it's like I'm inflicting
pain on myself.

You tell me over and over again that it will change,
that you will change, but you never do. Even today
I set myself up...I knew you'd say no..but I invited you
anyway.

I invite you in to a door that should have been closed a long
time ago. I don't want to settle...I refuse to settle. I keep
saying I wish we could go back...when the truth is I
really wish I could go forward. Everytime I take one
step..there's something holding me back. I try..I try..
and just when I'm about to jump...you swoop in and stop
me.

Why why why won't you let me jump?

The saddest part about it all...is that I'm doing it to myself.