I Never want to be a "Baby Mama"

I couldn't wait for the wonderful food that Fourth of July would bring my way. I mean this is the time of the year that my family and friends throw down on the grill and inside the kitchen. It took me about 2 days to figure out what my special fourth of July outfit would be, not because I wanted to be flyy, but because I wanted to be comfortable for all the food I would be gulping down...no lie (lol). So I settled on a loose fitting summer mini dress that complimented me well.

I had just gotten my hair done the day before and I was feeling and looking good. I arrived at my families house and they told me how great I looked and also managed to mention that I gained weight (sigh..I know I know). My godmother quickly chimed in that I had actually lost weight in the last few months and she thought I looked better than ever (thank God someone loves me).However, I couldn't be to mad at my fam for making those comments. I danced til I was 18 years old and always had a dancers body. Their used to me always being in shape, so I understand their concern.Although I'm still rocking the single digits size wise...geeesh! I was only sitting down for two minutes when I got the dreaded "where's your date question?" ahhhhhh...

"I don't have a date," I replied with a smile. "You know Sweetie, we're waiting on you to bring some rich white wealthy man in here, that's who you're going to marry a rich white man." My aunt said this with confidence, and the entire room nodded in agreement. I laughed nervously and went to fix myself a plate. " "Damn", is all I could think to myself. Is this what I have to deal with now, I just graduated from undergrad a year ago! Surely my family couldn't expect me to be settled so quickly. I had trouble committing to all these "adult" bills let alone a man.

"Black men will find you intimidating," my family said later that night....but hey that's a ANOTHER blog for another day.

An hour or so later more people started to arrive, I was thrilled when my god sister and brother came to rescue me from the 20 questions that everyone was asking me. I quickly grabbed her hand and went outside in the backyard. Two couples, all in their early and late thirties showed up next. One of the woman I'd known all my life, but I'd never seen any of the people with her. I caught one of the dudes staring at me a little bit to hard when his girl walked away. I avoided eye contact and busied myself with the baby girl that had also just arrived.

A few hours and to many drinks later, everyone was full and a little to happy off all the alcohol. We were joking, laughing, and having a good time. I was still trying to avoid eye contact with the same guy who was becoming more drunk and loud by the minute. His "babies mother" was sitting close to him and they were going back and forth about how she had apparently broken his cell phone. She was also cooing him to please come back to her place instead of going to his own. Actually she was kind of begging....it was quite sad.


I could tell from the jump that this girl didn't like me. I had no idea why, but I paid her no mind. "Hi Hater." I for damn sure didn't want her hood baby father or anything that her life entailed. Now don't get me wrong, I know plenty of wonderful single mothers who are doing a great job raising their child by there lonesome. We all get caught up, make mistakes, life happens...so I get that. We're human...you're human...I'm human.

As I was sitting there watching the desperation in her eyes and voice asking him to come over...I said a little prayer to God asking Him to never let that be me. I don't want a baby father, a homie, a friend. I want a husband, a companion, a best friend, and someone who WANTS to be there. I don't want to break his phone because chicks that he has on the side are calling him or feel insecure around another woman that's ten years younger than me. If it's meant for me to be a mother, a wife, and everything that it entails..I just pray that I can do it the right way. I never want to just be a "Baby Mama."