Confession: I'm dating older men. It's new for me, I've always dated guys who are either the same age as me or a few years older. But men in their late 20's and early 30's is something I've never explored, until now that it is. Errrr...I'm feeling kind of lost as to what I'm doing (more about that later) but check out a few pointers from the Entry Level blog below...
1. They find my optimism naive, I find their cynicism stifling: As a result we tend to knock heads when it comes to the future outcomes of things, whether it be politics or our personal lives. Any disagreement is immediately attributed to age: I am angry because “I dont know any better” and they’re angry because “theyve been jaded by life.”
2. Im looking to change, they’re looking to stabilize: A big part of my life is figuring out where I want to go and what I want to do with myself. I have always felt that as long as youre breathing you should be growing. There really is no reason not to. However, many of the older men I date view changing as a form of accomodating and believe they have earned the right to be set in their ways.
3. Age differences may shape our relationship expectations: It has been hard for me to admit this but I often feel as though older men dont view me as a woman. They view me as someone who needs to be taught something which has resulted in many arguments and breakups. I would often wonder, if I was 30, would he be talking to me this way? Additionally we may sometimes approach each other with preconceived notions of what each other’s behavior will be. Many men have been disappointed to hear that bar hopping is not a hobby of mine and I have been taken aback by men in their 30s who have lots of free time.
4. We both want to learn from each other without feeling stupid: Not just in terms of life, but also in terms of love. Learning is different from indoctrination as you aren’t seeking to change the other person, but rather are seeking personal development. It’s hard to ask questions that may exacerbate generational differences even though the questions may push us to grow.
"For example, the last guy I dated sometimes went over some financial documents while I was at his place relaxing. I glanced over one and didn’t have a damn clue as to what he was looking at. I wanted to ask, but thought it would make me look younger and more naïve, not the responsible on-point person that he clearly was. But I asked anyway because I really wanted to know. And he didn’t mind explaining it at all.
The nice thing about romantic generational differences is that because it is my personal life I feel more compelled to voice how I feel and do what makes me feel right. I have been forced to get to know myself better and become more comfortable with who I am. Sometimes, the consequence may be a broken heart, but rather that than losing a paycheck!"
1. They find my optimism naive, I find their cynicism stifling: As a result we tend to knock heads when it comes to the future outcomes of things, whether it be politics or our personal lives. Any disagreement is immediately attributed to age: I am angry because “I dont know any better” and they’re angry because “theyve been jaded by life.”
2. Im looking to change, they’re looking to stabilize: A big part of my life is figuring out where I want to go and what I want to do with myself. I have always felt that as long as youre breathing you should be growing. There really is no reason not to. However, many of the older men I date view changing as a form of accomodating and believe they have earned the right to be set in their ways.
3. Age differences may shape our relationship expectations: It has been hard for me to admit this but I often feel as though older men dont view me as a woman. They view me as someone who needs to be taught something which has resulted in many arguments and breakups. I would often wonder, if I was 30, would he be talking to me this way? Additionally we may sometimes approach each other with preconceived notions of what each other’s behavior will be. Many men have been disappointed to hear that bar hopping is not a hobby of mine and I have been taken aback by men in their 30s who have lots of free time.
4. We both want to learn from each other without feeling stupid: Not just in terms of life, but also in terms of love. Learning is different from indoctrination as you aren’t seeking to change the other person, but rather are seeking personal development. It’s hard to ask questions that may exacerbate generational differences even though the questions may push us to grow.
"For example, the last guy I dated sometimes went over some financial documents while I was at his place relaxing. I glanced over one and didn’t have a damn clue as to what he was looking at. I wanted to ask, but thought it would make me look younger and more naïve, not the responsible on-point person that he clearly was. But I asked anyway because I really wanted to know. And he didn’t mind explaining it at all.
The nice thing about romantic generational differences is that because it is my personal life I feel more compelled to voice how I feel and do what makes me feel right. I have been forced to get to know myself better and become more comfortable with who I am. Sometimes, the consequence may be a broken heart, but rather that than losing a paycheck!"
1 comment:
the advantage of an older man is that he can teach u everything a younger man can't.
loving your blog.
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