I never did look in the mirror...

Photography by Flash

It's funny...I blamed everyone in my circle for what had happened. I lashed out against them for what had happened during the last two years of HELL. That's what it had been in my eyes..complete and utter hell. I was so upset...how could he do this to me? how could she do this to me? how could they do this to me? It was all their fault...it had to be..it wasn't me that had decided for all of this stuff to happen especially not all at once. It became to much...everything just became to much. I couldn't handle it anymore...it got to the point where the only peace in my day was when it was time to go bed....and even then my dreams still haunted me.

Even if someone had told me 5 years ago..I never could of imagined..guessed.. or believed that it would ever turn out like this. I mean how could I be so dumb? How could I listen to him..to her..to them? I knew better..my mama taught me better. But for some reason I still got caught up in...everything. Caught up in the popularity...caught up in the light..caught up in what people thought..caught up in playing him..him..him..and him too. I even got caught up in hurting others. But it wasn't my fault..everyone in my circle..in my world was doing the same thing... so I wasn't the one to blame....right..I couldn't be the one to blame.


It took tears...it took pain...and it even took a life...to make me realize that I was to blame. I had made all of those decisions. I could have turned...I could have walked away...I could have cut all of them off. But instead I chose to make the same mistake..time..and time..and time..and time..and time..and time..and time..and time again....until it all came back on me at once.

I looked everywhere..to everyone..and everything...but never once did I stop to look in the mirror.