I tossed and turned at 5 a.m. on a particular Saturday morning unable to fall back asleep. Everything seemed to be on my mind; I felt guilty, confused, and hurt. My head was spinning, it felt as if I was drowning and there was no one there to save me. Why isn't anyone here to save me, I kept thinking to myself. Before I knew it tears were running down my face and I couldn't figure out why. I pulled the covers over my head and just laid there. My heart was heavy, yes I had a bad day at work yesterday maybe that's what was bothering me. I'm slightly home sick, I'm missing him (but not really because he's right there), I'm going thru some type of withdrawl, I need help. After a few hours I finally managed to fall back asleep with the tears still burning my eyes...something was missing but I couldn't figure it out.
Later on I went thru the motions of the day, running around the city with my friends, laughing, singing, eating, drinking, and smiling (while crying inside). All day long I kept thinking to myself that something was missing, I forgot to do something, and whatever it was..seemed to be becoming a burden on my heart.
The next morning, I lay in bed once again with my heart heavy staring up at the ceiling, and debating if I wanted to go to church. The clock read 7:17 a.m. which meant I had plenty of time to get ready for 11 a.m. service. I shed more tears for no particular reason as I laid there staring at the red digits on the cable box. I looked around my room which was a mess, symbolizing my life. Around 10 a.m. I dragged myself out of bed still convinced that I was forgetting something...what was it. My heart..my heart...it just wouldn't stop hurting.
I sat in the sanctuary at my church trying hard not to stare at the beautiful couple next to me or the happy lady who sat on the other side of me. So I sat there staring blankly ahead, paying no attention to the choir or the church announcements. My mind was still on all the stress of life and that one important thing I was forgetting.
The visiting pastors thunderous voice brought me back to reality. "Are you serving your present age?" he yelled into the mic. "Are you doing what God put you on this earth to do?" "Are you really giving your all? "Do you still have faith?" As he kept preaching I realized that's what was missing, my faith.
I had been so busy ignoring Him, trying to do it all on my own, being mad at Him, being unfaithful to Him, forgetting all He had done for me. I felt the tears as they begin to well up in my eyes...Jesus was my something missing. As long as I can remember my mother always taught me that if I don't have anything else I have my faith, and that's what I forgot. Everything else can be crashing around me, but that's ok because God's got my back.
I forgot, but I'm happy he woke me up on Sunday morning so that I could remember.
Later on I went thru the motions of the day, running around the city with my friends, laughing, singing, eating, drinking, and smiling (while crying inside). All day long I kept thinking to myself that something was missing, I forgot to do something, and whatever it was..seemed to be becoming a burden on my heart.
The next morning, I lay in bed once again with my heart heavy staring up at the ceiling, and debating if I wanted to go to church. The clock read 7:17 a.m. which meant I had plenty of time to get ready for 11 a.m. service. I shed more tears for no particular reason as I laid there staring at the red digits on the cable box. I looked around my room which was a mess, symbolizing my life. Around 10 a.m. I dragged myself out of bed still convinced that I was forgetting something...what was it. My heart..my heart...it just wouldn't stop hurting.
I sat in the sanctuary at my church trying hard not to stare at the beautiful couple next to me or the happy lady who sat on the other side of me. So I sat there staring blankly ahead, paying no attention to the choir or the church announcements. My mind was still on all the stress of life and that one important thing I was forgetting.
The visiting pastors thunderous voice brought me back to reality. "Are you serving your present age?" he yelled into the mic. "Are you doing what God put you on this earth to do?" "Are you really giving your all? "Do you still have faith?" As he kept preaching I realized that's what was missing, my faith.
I had been so busy ignoring Him, trying to do it all on my own, being mad at Him, being unfaithful to Him, forgetting all He had done for me. I felt the tears as they begin to well up in my eyes...Jesus was my something missing. As long as I can remember my mother always taught me that if I don't have anything else I have my faith, and that's what I forgot. Everything else can be crashing around me, but that's ok because God's got my back.
I forgot, but I'm happy he woke me up on Sunday morning so that I could remember.
1 comment:
Continue to be sesitive to the spirit of the Lord and let Him guide you and abide within you. Give Him time like you do everything else in your life and I guarantee a complete transformation of mind and renewal of spirit.
Be encouraged and stay blessed!
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