THE LEFT SIDE AND THE RIGHT SIDE

My mind seems to be everywhere
I can't think.... I can't breathe...I can't breathe
There's just to many decisions that have to be made
I feel like my brain and my heart are having a tug of war with each other
If I choose the right side I see myself..and my success...my kids..my future..but I don't see happiness...If I choose the left side...I see myself....with great kids..a great husband...happiness. but still unfulfilled because I had to sacrifice it all for that one person.
I can't seem to find a balance..there is no balance..someone tell me how to find a balance.
I look at him and see so much potential...all the things he could have been ....all the places he could have gone...we could have gone. But there's obstacle after obstacle we're jumping fighting..crying...screaming...trying to tell people to go-to leave us be..but this can't be.
But then on the other side there's simplicity...there's no fighting...no passion...there's just easy.
Smiling. No worries...everything is all great. My parents love him...my friends love him..and I like him. I'm not head over hills...home run...can't get enough kind of love like I've felt on the left side. I'm settling...settling because the right side is just so easy...I don't have to cry...I don't have to think...I don't have to expect the unexpected...I just live..live..live..live and then I die without really having lived at all...if I choose the right side that is..well I think..maybe I could be happy on the right side. Maybe I'm wrong...but the left...the left it just won't stop pulling..it won't give up. But you can't...You can't go back there...4 times..4 times you went back there. I remember when I promised that I'd never go back there? After that long drive..and the thoughts..and the stares..and the nightmares..I'M never going back there. And that night-that night on the red couch it was just all to much to bare. It hurt sooo bad that I couldn't even cry..I just laid there..broken..broken from the left side. But within a month's time he had put me back together again. Smiles...a little blue box with a white ribbon...promises all those promises....I listened..I believed you...sometimes I still believe you. I try to leave but you beg me to stay with tears you turn to me and say I can't live without you-there's nooo way I can live without you. I hear you but I do my best to block you out-running running running until I can't breathe anymore. Until you're out of my sight..far in the distance away from me..but it doesn't work because you keep coming after me. Baby please-Baby please you say...and I melt I just melt and run right back to you. But I can't keep doing it..I can't keep running backwards..yes that's what I'm doing..I'm running backwards. People are suppose to run forward..but I'm running backwards.... backwards..I can't see anything...your grip is sooooo tight on me...that it's happening again... I can't breathe....LET GO OF ME.... I break free of your grasp...finally I break free of your grasp. I look to the right and although it looks tempting and easy..I keep running..I look to the left and see your eyes full of tears..I keep running...I run right down the middle..choosing my own path....refusing the tears...refusing to give in...to anything....refusing not to settle..